For 25 years I’ve searched and questioned my purpose here on earth. Yes, I’m the wife to Bill for the past 28 years (32 if you count the 4 years we dated…high school sweet hearts.) I embrace and love this role with all of my being and I can’t imagine my life without him. Absolutely, I’m a mother of 4 amazing children who are young adults now…I’ve survived so far, hallelujah! I’m grateful for the privilege to be a part of each of their lives and experience the abundant joy and fun they provide. Amazingly, I’m a grandma, commonly referred to as GiGi. Oh what a world of blessings this has been and continues to be…I can do cool things with them and send them back to their parents for discipline! I’m also a decorator (which I love when there’s money); a chef (when inspired); a baker (which my kids & friends encourage me to open a Bakery and where my waistline suffers from my love of sweets, too); a painter/drawer of many of our wall hangings; and an avid student of the Bible along with other Christian writers. My creativity and love for learning feeds my spirit. BUT…something has always felt absent. After all these great things in my life, I was left with an unanswered and lingering feeling of “wanting.”
This past year I began praying about my purpose again. What was I designed to do? Why after being so abundantly blessed did I feel a lacking. I asked God to reveal what He created me for. I asked Him to show me clearly so I wouldn’t be confused. I didn’t want to fit in any other box than what He fashioned specifically for me. I went to a S.H.A.P.E. workshop in February 2015 and began to understand how I was wired. Secretly I flippantly tossed the idea around that maybe I was supposed to combine my love for creating, with my love for God’s word, along with the teachings I receive through life’s meanderings. Obviously, to me, not up in front of a large crowd, but in a nonthreatening, behind the computer screen type of format.
In all my insecurity, I still wasn’t sure. Then 2 months later, out of the blue without revealing to anyone my inward thoughts or having current conversations prompting anyone, strange happenings occurred. People began to come up to me and say “Denise have you ever thought of writing books?” “Denise have you ever thought of writing inspirational snapshots for a devotional book?” “Denise with your gifts and talents I think you should try writing because when you write your emails they are inspiring, thought provoking and well put together.” One night in reflecting after hearing all these repeated echoes, I looked towards the sky and said “God do you really want me to write?” Peacefully, He laid down the 2×4 and I imagine there was a gentle giggle…”She heard Me.”
Three months later here I am beginning this journey. Unsure of what to do because…yes, I’ve never done anything like this before. However, I’m going to stick the tip of my quivering toe in before figuring it all out and give it a try. Face my fears of being critiqued while I lay my soul, thoughts and wanderings bare to all. That doesn’t sound intimidating at all, right? It’s at this moment I wished I was wrapped in duck feathers so harsh words would roll right off my back like water. Is it possible for me to slip inside a tortoise shell so any hurtful critiques will bounce right off. So…I will begin to live out what we preach to our children “It doesn’t matter where you start, it matters where you finish!” I might start off tattered, rugged, unpolished and inexperienced, but I hope somewhere around the middle and definitely by the end that at least one person will find and meet God in the midst of my words. I hope that they will encounter His gentle teachings and unconditional love for us that is everlasting!