As I was floating through this quiet period, I didn’t realize the storm that was brewing. We were heading directly into a battle for our lives and our children’s lives…this time I call our Job experience. Our finances were cut down to 30% of our normal income; we lost our cars; we lost our home after 20+ years of owning; we struggled to hold onto a business which eventually we lost; metaphorically 
we lost our kids as they went through intense trials and warfare of their own: suicide attempt, homosexuality, drug using, stealing, arresting, NAB (Neighborhood Accountability Board) interventions, court appearances; we encountered marital conflicts over how to deal with issues. There was division in every relationship possible and simultaneously our health was attacked. I was exhausted! I wanted out! This is not what I signed up for! I loved God, read His word, fed His sheep, tried my best to follow Jesus’ ways and yet my life was filled with chaos…wasn’t life supposed to be smooth?
You see God had encouraged me earlier to read Job on my own. So I did. I studied it diligently. Picked it apart. Immersed myself in it. Not knowing what lay ahead in our future. So when I found myself here, I was determined to Praise God through the bad like Job did. It was if God said,
“Denise this is in your future, I’m preparing you, remember to praise me. You can do this. Understand that Satan has requested a time to sift you and I have approved it and I know you will rise to the challenge. Remember, I’ve only given him permission to go so far.”
During this time I worked hard to stay positive, sometimes I soared on eagles wings, while other times I was pulled through the quagmire of mud just trying to hold on to the edge of Jesus’ robe. I wrestled with trust issues with God and searched for His fingerprints in every episode. I continue to
mourn over the many losses and grapple with understanding why He felt I could walk His children through these times graciously with unconditional love in the midst of all the judgment and stares. I don’t get His ways, I don’t like that it isn’t wrapped in a perfect beautiful box with a gorgeous bow…you know the elegant box that all are envious of. But I know in my heart that His way is better than the painting I have created…I just need to trust Him more. He has shown me that I am a prodigal. I understand prodigals and He knows exactly what He is doing by giving my children me as a mother. I am a prodigal raising prodigals. I understand them and I will love them despite of all their broken areas. It’s taken a while to get here, but He’s grown my faith immensely during these last 7 years.
After two years of hiding and many attempts to bring me back, I finally accepted a dear friend’s invitation to a Daniel study. The first 3 weeks of the study, He fanned into flame a renewed energy. He once again immersed me into doing two studies. He divinely placed two books out of nowhere to read simultaneously—all 4 intertwined with some aspect of warfare. In His ways, He’s awakened me to the spiritual warfare that has been always present in my life from the time I was little. He’s busy 
making connections, showing me ways to fight, and surrounding and bombarding me in all directions on this topic of warfare. He’s been placing one verse on my heart repeatedly. Matthew 7:5 “…first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” But what He says to me is “first Denise learn how to fight My way successfully, and then you can help others do the same.” I don’t know what He has planned, but He has physically opened my eyes and everywhere I look I see brokenness, I see spiritual warfare, and I see wounded people unaware of how to fight this invisible foe that is very much present and what steps to take.
I’m so grateful that He’s allowed me to see His activity in my life. Although it’s not usually at that moment, He eventually weaves a thread throughout that helps pull everything into perspective. I’ve realized that He uses a lot of “dual referencing” in my life. Most times it’s not something I’m aware of as a “foreseeing as to what’s down the road” but rather I notice it in an after the fact “oh, that’s why He had me do that study in order to prepare me for this stretch of my journey.” In past experiences, He uses these references to explain through a biblical story why something happened in my life, connecting the dots and bringing everything full circle. Through my life experience He brings those 2 dimensional Bible characters into a real life 3D play with current day participants… my loved ones, enemies and me. I’ve come to understand and accept that I won’t just learn the principles behind the bible stories by merely reading them. God knows I learn best when He allows me to walk them out 
through a personal experience so that His lessons will be permanently tattooed onto my heart. Amazingly that’s what allows God’s glory to shine brightest because by doing this I can fully understand, gain compassion, drop all judgments, and become a high priest to a wounded soul during their journey that resembles mine. That’s how He brings beauty from our ashes, brings good from our pain, heals the wounds of the afflicted and helps release the captive from their prison.
This brief segment in our journey has not been easy at all. But when someone is training to run a successful race there must be a ton of conditioning and strenuous workouts to build stamina, endurance, and strong muscles. Trust is like a muscle… as God gives me opportunities to exercise my trust in Him, my faith get’s stronger and I’m able to persevere. I’m so grateful for all that He has done, all that He is doing, and eagerly anticipating all that He will do in my life. Look for His fingerprints in your life because He encourages you through them!