December 22, 2011
Some of the hardest areas for me to handle are dealing with people. I watch my husband who has the gift of “GAB”… the gift of “Gabbing About Baloney” it’s like he never meets a stranger. I don’t understand this ability at all for it seems soooo foreign to me. Ask me to do Algebra, Calculus, Differential Equations, Physics, Chemistry or anything logical with a process to follow and I GET that! But socializing, where it’s not necessarily planned, doesn’t follow a pattern and it’s essential to be free flowing and fluid….uhmmmm not. For the most part, I struggl
e at making small talk without it instantly becoming uncomfortable…when there are moments of dead silence frantically searching for what should I say now. I don’t know about you, but I go through life trying to make sense out of who I am, why I am, what I am, how I look to others, and where I go now that I know. Many a times, I don’t understand myself that well. This time being one and then, in walks God to faithfully provided a canvas to draw me a picture explaining it detail by detail. He Rocks! Most of the times it hurts, but He’s always there to craddle me in the aftermath. Reassuring me that He knew this about me even before He created me.
The painting consists of the Silvan household where we have been blessed to raise many animals. Over our 24 years together, we’ve owned a horse, Terrier mix, Cocker Spaniel, 2 Labradors, 2 Jack Russells, Chihuahua, Havanese, 5 cats, 4 birds, 3 Guinea Pigs and a tank full of fish…not all at once of course. Currently we have a Jack Russel (Skip), a Chihuahua (Romeo), a Havanese (Bella), 2 cats (Chloe and Tinkerbell) and a Guinea Pig (Lilly). For the most part the painting is normal, but these animals have their own quirks just like we humans do…which I find very intriguing.
In trying to deal with some of these annoying quirks, my youngest daughter and I became fans of Cesaer Milan. One of his favorite sayings is “You don’t always get the dog you want, you get the dog you need.” When faced with a challenge twenty+ years ago, my grandfather would say to me “be patient Denise, God is trying to teach you something.” Cesaer’s quote made me question what God was trying to teach me through my dogs. I know I’m whacked out of my head, right? But listen, I find this truly amazing, funny and eye opening and hopefully you will see how God teaches us through everything and everyone we encounter in our life. He can teach us about ourselves or how to relate to others…He’s so amazing and multifaceted.He can show you ugliness within yourself that He would like evicted, while at the same time showing you how to relate to others that struggle with the same issues you have. I love Him for the ability to teach ALL in multiple areas all at the same time ~ His Omnipotence at work!
Being an insatiable “loveaholic,” it’s important that my dogs be very loving because I NEED love. Yes, it’s true I’m high maintenance. The Jack Russell we had at the time was great, but he was way too bouncy for me, too hyper, too “tiggeresk” if you will. His energy did not calm my spirit, it wound me up tighter than I was at the start. My youngest of four was going into preschool and after four I wasn’t contemplating having any more kiddos, so I decided another dog would help fill the void I had now that she was in school. On February 14, 2003, our Chihuahua, Romeo was adopted into our family. Oh was he a cuddle bug! He clung to me, followed me around and just seemed to be a perfect fit.
However as he grew, mingled amongst the moments when Romeo was very loving were times when he was domineering, over protective, aggressive, snappy and very unpredictable. This made it so hard to love him. My heart was broken because this wasn’t the dog I wanted. We tried all Cesaer’s techniques and clearly I’m lacking Cesaer’s gift…I’m apparently a weak pack leader. Cesaer’s quote “You don’t always get the dog you want, you get the dog you need” rang so loudly in my ears over and over and over.
One day sitting in my family room staring out our patio door windows at my pink flowered plum tree, I was watching our two dogs side by side outside peering in at me. Skipper was bouncing none stop up and down, up and down, up and down at the windows, while Romeo was timidly standing there with a look of scared longing eyes desiring to come in yet so very unsure what awaited his entrance. Two opposites existing together desiring the same things, love and attention, but both going about it in two different ways. All of a sudden it was as if God reached down and spoke directly into my soul, not with audible words, but with instant understanding…”they mirror you and Bill.” What?! And I kid you not, it was like instantaneously connections were made to all their characteristics and our human behaviors…it seemed like no time elapsed between this understanding, but rather it just was placed there immediately. Peculiar, yet not so weird because that’s God, right?!
Skipper embodied Bill’s personality. He was the happy go lucky, never met a stranger, wants to love all over you…and…from the time his feet hit the floor in the morning he’s running, chipper, bouncy, hyper and happy. Ugghhh. Is that how you’re supposed to be in the morning? I don’t get it, I don’t resemble that at all. Bill’s high energy and adrenaline addicted soul in business mode can wind me up, agitate me instantly and give me anxiety attack at any moment.
Now Romeo on the other hand wants love so bad, but is so scared of everything. He longs to be played with, loved and given attention, but is a very sensitive soul that doesn’t trust very much, is very insecure and can change his mood instantly. He growls and snips to ward off intrusion in an effort to protect himself. Sadly, all he really wants is to be close, but he just doesn’t understand how to interact. He’s a very sweet dog that’s trapped in a very sensitive, insecure, untrusting body. Bless his little heart…I understand him so well for he mirrors me!
When God revealed this imagery to me, He helped me view myself the way others see me (but yet don’t understand me.) He showed me how others are affected by my behavior and how that makes Him feel when He sees me behave that way. At the same time He helped me understand how to
relate to Romeo on a different level and to begin to love him in spite of all his flaws. Because Romeo is like this, he doesn’t have many friends because they don’t know if they can trust him not to bite them…so they keep their distance. Unfortunately, his untrusting nature is reflected back to him. That’s not what he desires, but it’s what his responses have trained others to do. I don’t know if Romeo will ever change, if he will ever become secure and strong, feeling safe to let others in. But my hope is that he will ~ he turned 9 December 15 and is still blessing us with his little spirited self…so, there’s still hope. And there is still hope for me that having been shown this, God will help transform these areas in my life that I find similar to Romeo’s brokenness and breathe a fresh new existence to live out what He tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7…for God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. In His strength I will overcome.
Through hairy reflections God not only taught me about myself, but also showed me how I need to work hard to love the “unlovable.” Not only does my little Romeo resemble me in many areas, but he also represents those that we refer to as “sandpaper” people that seem so unlovable. Romeo reminds me how important it is to have compassion, mercy and understanding for the unlovables just like God has for me…even they just want to be loved. Oh and I know, just by knowing this doesn’t make it easy…in fact I believe it’s a tough lesson to live out and one that can only be done through prayer, submission and total focus on Jesus. Romeo, family, close friends and many aquaintances are refining tools that I’m repeatedly challenged with on how to love the “unlovable”…as am I for those that encounter me at my most unlovable and unpredictable moments.
We’re all born with the desire to be loved, we were created to be in relationship with others….some of us just aren’t as good at it as others. I’ve become an avid observer of those that do this well, trying to learn this foreign art. Most frequently I stand in awe and envy those that this comes easy to because it is like rocket science to me…I don’t always get it!
Some of the hardest lessons I’ve learned are when God takes the simple in my life and shows me how it relates to me and my surroundings. I love that He knows I need visual teaching…He so knows His child. After all He created me, right? Don’t forget to look for those “hairy reflections that are hard to swallow” and be open to what God wants to teach you about yourself and others. Be prepared, you can see these mirror images in your pets, spouse, children, neighbors, coworkers, parents, basically anyone.
Where I’ve found Him to reach me best is putting me in a situation that truly irritates and agitates me to where I desire to complain about that situation…trying to remove the “speck” from their eye or “fix” them…and He’s trying to get me to see the “log” that I must deal with first. Who irritates you? Who agitates you? What do you hate the most? Where do you judge others? Do you see any similarities?
Thank you Father for your faithful shepherding, tender loving care, gentle redirections, empowering spirit that transforms us and reveals all things to us, and for never making us do it alone but being our Helper and Advocate along the way. Without you Father we are nothing. I’m grateful for all that You’ve done, all that you do, and all that You will do! May one day I reflect Your Son’s image in a manner that is worthy and honoring to Your Name. Amen.
PS. I didn’t mention Bella our Havanese. Now she represents what I believe God is working towards by putting two opposites like Bill and me together. Taking two extremes and working to get a very healthy, happy, balanced, medium. Bella is playful, bouncy, and loves to have lots of fun, but not overwhelmingly so and will calm down when asked to. She exhibits no fear, timidity, or aggressiveness, but is submissive. She loves at all times and wants to give you all the attention you desire. She has no favorites, loves all equally, and truly has never met a stranger. After praying for her arrival, God delivered. He did provide me with the dog I wanted and the dog I needed, while still utilizing her to teach me His lesson. Thanks, Abba!