As a young girl growing up, my family’s conversations didn’t consist of attributing things to God, being taught how to pray to Him, seeking a relationship with Him, nor did we practice acknowledging when His provisions and protections were supplied. Because my father wasn’t a believer we didn’t go to church as a family. Mom didn’t want to go to church alone so she drove me a couple blocks to my grandparent’s church and dropped me off weekly for Sunday school. My grandparents always invited my 4 siblings and me to Christmas and Easter events. They surrounded me in God’s love and spoke to me of His ways while I gardened together with my grandpa, when I did Christmas crafts with my grandma, and while I visited and spent the night with them. I remember one specific time when I was around 5 or 6 years old lounging across the arm of their old blue tweed comfy chair with my feet dangling off the side near the grand piano. I asked them “What happens to everyone when I die? Is everyone still here? Does the world cease to exist? Where do I go?” I had a huge fear of death. Even though this was 44 years ago, I remember this moment as if it were yesterday. Unfortunately I don’t remember their answer, but I remember no longer being afraid of death and reassured all would be okay.

When I was 9 years old I began to have recurring terrifying nightmares. I would be inside my house while ghoulish amorphic beings on the outside would be taunting me, chasing me, terrorizing me, banging on my windows, racing around the house trying to break in. BUT they were NEVER successful. I struggled for years to understand what these nightmares were about and why I was tormented with them for my first 21 years of life.

In writing down God’s faithfulness, He reminded me of another fingerprint in my life. One blustery winter night all the lights had gone out in Folsom. My dad made a fire to give us light where we all could gather in the family room. During this time in my life, I still was haunted by the dark dreams and consequently the surrounding darkness terrified me. As I sat in the family room trying to push away my anxiousness, I glanced down our small hallway that was only 15 feet long. At the end there was a figure, a being that appeared like a human yet not, dressed in a flowing white robe, holding a staff in his right hand with wavy silvery white hair standing there. I couldn’t make out a face because all that was there was radiance, a brightness. Recalling this vision, my mind interprets the image of normal size because the image restrained itself in the height of our hallway, but the feeling emanating from it produced a sense of overwhelming stature, a feeling of transcendence. Peace flowed from Him and my fear dissipated. I still don’t know to this day what that vision was…did we read a scripture that week in Sunday school describing something like this so I imagined it or did God intercede during my time of fear. I don’t know, but after 40+ years it’s like yesterday. I logged it in my journalings as a time of building my faith. He stitches together so intricately the tapestry of our life to show us His activity, why we experienced the things He allowed, and what He wants to use it all for in our life and in the lives of others.

When I attended a Women’s Retreat in 2009 God allowed me to experience evilness again. At this time God revealed and gave me understanding about what happened throughout my earlier years. We traveled up to Zephyr Point Conference Center in Lake Tahoe. In the middle of the second night we were awakened by screaming. We flooded the hallways, called the nurses and began to pray around our beds. A woman had a seizure and her roommate was traumatized. All seemed normal as everyone filtered back to their rooms. Yet my stomach would not stop turning. It was like nothing I’d experienced before. I know what anxiety is. I know what panic is. I prayed for God to calm my soul…no relief. I opened the door to see what was in the hallway and the woman’s roommates were standing in the hallway terrified. I asked if I could pray with them and we did. They were calmed and left with lifted spirits. However, my stomach was not relieved.

I lay down in bed trying to find relief, but as soon as I shut my eyes those same ghoulish amorphic faces from my child hood flew forcefully at me…one right after the other. I was terrified. I was unsure of what was happening. I couldn’t shut my eyes because it wouldn’t stop. I was tossing and turning…I couldn’t sit in my room. My stomach was killing me and I was bothering my roommate. I resorted to walking the hallways when I stumbled across a pastor’s wife who prayed for me. She’d never experienced anything like what I shared. She kept thinking I was experiencing anxiety and just looked at me as if I were crazy…eventually offering to pray for peace since only God knew what was going on. After grabbing my Bible from my room I headed to the cafeteria to intentionally seek God in His word while watching the sun rise over Lake Tahoe.

I met with my small group for breakfast, the ladies I prayed around the bed with last night during the craziness. I shared the after effects I was experiencing and how I’d been awake since the ordeal. My small group leader’s jaw dropped, her eyes opened widely as she shared the nightmare she had involving me. When our other dear friend interjected, saying she had a dream that involved the two of us waging war in battle. We all were a little shaken by what we’d experienced. Suddenly we realized that we were interconnected in a way that we’d never encountered before. We spoke nothing more of it after breakfast.

That day I drove home and I couldn’t shake the intensity of what happened. When I arrived, I quickly darted to the safety of my peaceful and secure room, curling up on the bed. Weeping. Seeking understanding. Bewildered. I shared with my husband what had happened, but words didn’t seem to express nor convey the daunting terror that was left deep in my soul. I resorted to my comfort zone of researching. I bought books on spiritual warfare and began learning about this area I knew little about.

Although I couldn’t explain effectively what occurred, I knew I experienced the presence of darkness. God revealed that I had seen this from my earlier years and I came to understand that my dreams were showing me I’d been sealed with the Holy Spirit. Nothing could break into my home, yet these entities, this dark unseen world would encircle me, torment me, try to terrify me and destroy me, but I would be safe…it or they could never have me. My home, my person, my soul was secure because of my Savior. I understood more clearly than ever before what Paul spoke of in Ephesians 6:12 — 

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Spiritual Warfare came to life to me this weekend, my childhood experiences were brought into crisp focus and the journey to equip myself for battle began. Jesus already defeated our foe, therefore Satan has no power over us. However, we need to know our adversary so we are familiarized with his tactics and can counterattack when challenged. In the name of Jesus, we have the power to overcome the Prince of the air and his army each and every time. We need not fear him.

 Ephesians 1:13-14— And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,  who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

Romans 8:34-39— Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 Peter 5:8-9— Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith . . .

 Joel 2:28— And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.

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