God has been stretching me . . .
He’s moved me from a conservative cessationist Baptist heritage which emphasizes His Word and taught me that certain gifts had ceased to exist for us as believers today . . . tooooo . . . the opposite spectrum, the Charismatic continuationist side which emphasizes His Spirit and recognizes ALL the gifts of the Spirit and teaches that we are to look just like the church in the days of Acts.
I’m so very grateful for my Baptist foundation where God immersed me in His Word and taught me to search His Scripture like the Bereans to see if what I’m hearing is Scripturally sound.
Although growing up, ironically, I always was prompted to ask the questions from Scriputre that made the cessationists squirm . . . challenging all they believed to be true. In my spiritual immaturity, I followed what man said to me when they discounted my questions. I thought what the elders told me was absolute truth and I just didn’t understand Scripture. I was confused.
Now, God was challenging me to revisit many of these questions I had in my early 20’s. He was radically pushing me from my comfort zone to see Him from a different perspective. This uncharted territory was a land that had been characterized to me as “scary, foreign, and taboo.” Doing this was difficult. Change is not easy, especially when everyone around you exists where God is drawing you from.
When I was young I asked why are there so many different denominations? Why was the Baptist “the right” one? Aren’t we all ONE when we believe in Jesus? Why did these charismatic people fall over when slayed by the Spirit? What does that mean anyway? And, why do we disagree with this so strongly? My elders’ responses never rested peacefully, but who else was I supposed to ask? Therefore my questions remained . . . placed high on a shelf to be addressed at a later date when I was “more mature” in my faith.
God revealed to me in a picture of a pendulum that though these denominations exist furthest from each other He is present in both. He’s not one or the other, but rather encompasses ALL denominations, in between as well. He doesn’t want me heavy on either side, but balanced and embracing ALL that He is. Fluidly and freely moving with His Word and His Spirit.
In 2015, I began asking God for MORE of Him. That was my heart’s cry! In 2016 God prompted me to take a year-long study on Healing Prayer. To this day I laugh how I showed up there. I knew I was supposed to be there because the push from my heart could not be denied. But the rigidness of the way I was raised was combatant all the way. I went each Monday night with my arms tightly crossed set to disprove what they were going to teach. I think my goal was to show how wrong they were. My thought was God heals or God doesn’t. You can’t be “taught how to heal” through prayer. This was just foolishness.
Within this class, I was confronted with many teachings and perspectives. Some revolved around the questions I had early on in my Christian walk. One topic God awakened me to was a disciple’s authority. This journey has made me stop abruptly and make a 180-turn. I had been originally taught that what was spoken to the 12 disciples in Acts was for them . . . not you and me today. But God was challenging that belief system. He has been transforming the pattern of my thinking to see how Jesus has given us the same power and authority to drive out all demons, to cure diseases, to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal the sick (Luke 9:1-2, Luke 10:19, Matthew 10:1, 7-8, Mark 3:14-15, Mark 13:34).
However as I make this transition, I must remember to be gentle because there are 2 camps here — those who believe disciples have been given authority and those who say that this was only for Jesus’ day. I encourage you all to not be like me and easily grab what I say as truth, but instead test what I’m saying to see if it aligns with Scripture. Be a Berean and search Scripture after what I share. Seek God and ask Him to reveal Himself. Ask for MORE of Him. Beg Him to guide you through Scriptures and give you clarity. Because He will. Trust the Spirit He has given you within. You were not given a “junior” Spirit. You have been given the fully empowered Holy Spirit. He is your teacher and guide. Trust Him first and foremost, not man.
What I’m about to share with you started because I was crying out to God because of the turmoil I found myself in. As God pulled me out of cessationism and was freeing me to experience His Spirit fully alive and functioning with all gifts, I was confronted with uncomfortable situations. Many of my conservative friends had not been awakened to this same realization. I was trying to enter new ground God was taking me to but I kept having people around me holding me back, causing me to doubt, instilling fear, tearing me down as I felt I was being lifted out. I felt almost persecuted by my Christian friends. This was rather bizarre.
I felt torn between these two camps. I wanted more of God. I wanted to understand Him more intimately. But I wasn’t sure I could survive in the old place while He was teaching me all the new He had for me. Just as He’d give me a treasure, I seemed to have it snatched out of my hand by someone who didn’t believe what I was walking into.
I was confused what God wanted of me. I cried out to Him to reveal to me the truth. What camp was truth. What He wanted me to believe. Where He wanted me to stand. I needed His word to stand on and I needed to know how to defend or explain what He was showing to me. I wanted to stand firm in what He was showing me and to no longer be swayed back and forth by doubts.
He was faithful to teach and guide me through Scriptures as He unwrapped this new territory that has always been mine. He traveled me through Scripture in a rapid conversation on Saturday, November 5th as I sat with Him nestled under trees at a softball field. That’s what I love about God. I was in the midst of two softball teams, stands full of fans and these people had no idea the spiritual encounter I was having with my Heavenly Father. As I sat their with my headphones on, Bible in my lap, I scribbled as fast as I could in a small tiny journal all the Scriptures God was directing me to as I asked Him my questions.
After this intimate time with Him I was on fire!
This had never happened with me before . . .me asking a question and Him giving me a Scripture to look up. I was in awe.
One week after this adrenaline rushing encounter with God, He revealed to me what had taken place as a speaker taught me about 2-way journaling with God. God encouraged me to go back to our discussion and record our dialogue. He wanted me to put pen to paper and record the discoveries He journeyed me through in a 2-way journal.
Immediately I deciphered my shorthand and recorded it to share. Here’s an excerpt of our dialogue . . .
ME: “God I’m wrestling with knowing what Your truth is. I’ve been taught different things and as I share with others, their rebuttals confuse me. I find myself doubting what You’re showing me and I feel like a wave being tossed from one side to the other by the wind (James 1:6) I don’t want to know what people say about You and Your ways todays. I want to know what You say. I want to know what to believe.”
GOD: He led me to 1 John 2:27, “As for you, the anointing you received from Me remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. Stop going to them. But as the Holy Spirit teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit — just as it has taught you, remain in Him.”
ME: “What about all those who say I’m crazy? Those who say miracles don’t happen today? Or, this isn’t for disciples today! God warns us about false prophets performing miracles and signs to lead people astray even the elect. All of them imply that these things are happening not because of You but because of the enemy, the false prophets, the antichrist.”
GOD: He led me to John 15:20, “Remember what I told you. A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted Me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also.” He led me to Matthew 10:24-34, “The student is not above the teacher nor a servant above his master. It is enough for students to be like their teachers and servants like their masters. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household! They will say evil is using you. They will question Jesus’ power in you or the power you are using to do these things. Listen to what the Spirit tells you in the dark. Listen to what’s whispered in your ear and proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of these people. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both your soul and body.” Then He led me back to John 15:7-8, “If you remain in Me, and My Words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you. This is my Father’s glory that you bear much fruit, showing yourself to be my disciple.”
GOD: “Are you going to believe what I’m saying to you? Are you going to believe My Word is true? OR Are you going to believe those who doubt what I said?”
ME: “I’m going to believe You!”
ME: “So I’m going to be labeled as crazy, accused of allowing Satan to use me, questioned by what power these things are done…take comfort in knowing it happened to You as well. But God, when they say these things what can I show them in Scripture?”
GOD: He led me to John 14:12-14, “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father… If you ask anything in My Name, I will do it.”
ME: “Greater works than these? What works?”
GOD: “Denise go back and search my Scriptures in John. He gives you an accounting of all these things seen from John’s eyes. Record them.”
ME: I began reading the book of John and writing down what Jesus did.
GOD: He led me to John 21:25, “But remember Denise. John’s recordings are not exhaustive. Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.
This encounter left me invigorated, exhilarated, energized, encouraged, filled up and excited.
I was left wanting even MORE!
These are the miraculous things John recorded Jesus doing . . .
Jesus saw Nathaniel under the fig tree [Jesus had Word of Knowledge] (John 1)
Jesus turns water into wine (John 2) — Sign #1
Jesus reveals to Samaritan women of 5 husbands [Jesus had Word of Knowledge] (John 4)
Jesus heals the Official’s son without going anywhere (John 4) — Sign #2
Jesus heals the man an invalid of 38 years walks at pool of Bethsaida
Jesus feeds 5000 (John 6)
Jesus walks on water (John 6)
Jesus heals man born blind with mud on eyes (John 9)
Jesus raises Lazarus (John 11)