Wrestling with letting go of old patterns of thinking and embracing and believing God’s Word still continues within me over this new adventure in healing. As I sit watching Christmas movies and wrapping presents, I’m pondering the many thoughts I have about this new me.
The thoughts swirl and bounce all over the map. The authority I have as Jesus’ disciple perplexes me and leaves me with many questions. Who am I to think Jesus has given me authority? Why did you wait so long to teach me about this?
This healing prayer ministry God led me to challenges me and stretches me on so many levels: Can I heal? Is God calling me to do this? Is this for every disciple? Because I’m in the class, does that mean I am one that God has called to do this?
I can’t stop thinking about all the people God keeps placing in my path that need help and prayer. It’s astounding how it seems like everyone is coming out of the woodwork and needs a touch of God. Have they always been around me? Am I just noticing now because I’m so focused on healing and prayer?
How am I supposed to survive in our couple’s small group I’ve been with for the last 12 years? They keep commenting on and looking at me as if I’m off my rocker. They occasionally question me if I’m being led astray stating that even the elect will be deceived? Are you going to the dark side? Perhaps I should take a break from them until I’m more secure in what you are calling me to do.
God has been on a mission to teach me how He speaks to me. He’s shown me various different ways He has met me and spoke to me during my lifetime. One way He communicates is by speaking simultaneously as I’m watching a movie. As I watch the image unfold on screen I can hear what God wants to say to me in a metaphorical manner . . . just like Jesus did in His parables. God explains His thoughts to me through the pictures I see displayed before my eyes.
As I was watching the Christmas movie Santa Claus 1 with Tim Allen, God spoke to me about my healing prayer journey . . .
ME: Random thoughts flit through my mind . . . “God what do you have planned? I just don’t see how You are going to use me. What is it going to look like?”
The scene in Santa Claus 1 when Scott Calvin was sitting on the bench watching his son’s soccer game and all of a sudden all the little children were lined up to talk to him . . . THEN all of a sudden —
GOD speaks: “That’s what you will look like . . . Scott Calvin with all those little children flocking to him. These will be my little children. They will come from everywhere wanting to talk to you. Seeking you for what you have.”
ME: “That doesn’t make sense. Santa Claus is a metaphor for You, Jesus. You are the One who has the gifts to give them. You are the One who is powerful. You are the One who can make miracles happen. You are the One who holds the answers. You are the One who they need. What will they get from me? I can’t be Santa Claus for them. How will I be able to do any of what You say?”
GOD speaks: “It won’t be you…it will be Me in you that does it all. They will flock to you because of what I will do through you. Don’t get confused, it’s always Me in you. Just like people flocked to Peter and Paul to be healed. My people will do the same with you.”
GOD speaks: “Do you see? You are just like Scott Calvin. He is wrestling with believing he is going to be Santa Claus. He is doubting that this is all real and that he will be able to do what is asked of him. You are no different, child. You are wrestling that I will do this through you. You are doubting that this is all real and that you will be able to do what is asked of you. His little boy believes his dad is Santa Claus, but Scott Calvin is really struggling with this new concept…Just as you are struggling with this new concept you are learning, but it’s not new it’s always been yours. Even though so many changes are occurring within Scott Calvin to point to this reality, he wrestles with grasping the idea . . . you look similar to him. Even though his body appearance is changing and he’s starting to look different than how he was . . . you are doing the same. He doesn’t like looking different to those who know him and he can’t explain why it’s happening. You feel the same way with all your friends who wrestle with believing how I am creating you into something different. You don’t like the changes and everyone’s eyes on you. Everyone on the outside is doubting this new you, just like Scott Calvin’s family is doubting all that is being said about him. Scott is beginning to see things differently and having different feelings that align with this new beginning and being surprised by it. You are experiencing that amazement, too. He can spot things about others and know things he shouldn’t know like whether they were naughty or good. You know when warfare is present. I allow you to sense it, to feel it, to KNOW it’s there. Trust that. Don’t listen to man when they doubt you and mock you. Trust the One Who is revealing that to you. As you move more freely in this, more will happen through you. Because of these things I do through you, people will flock to you. They will want to talk to you. They will seek you out. You will help them, you will listen to them, and they will receive the gifts they desire because I have all this for them. You are merely the vehicle I am choosing to use to deliver what I have for them.
ME: “God are you really talking to me through a Santa Claus movie. I don’t think I can share this with anyone. They will think I’m crazy.”
GOD: Silence.
ME: Looking left. Looking right. Did that just happen? YES.