Faithfulness of God

When meeting people, sometimes you only have 5 minutes to share with them the impact Jesus has had in your life. These words  express my 5 minute story of Jesus’ handiwork. As I develop this site, I will be inserting little linked snippets where you can dive deeper into each snapshot. Many faith filled stories to come…

As a little girl, I never questioned whether Jesus is real. It was as if my heart innately knew I was created to believe and worship Him. My mother’s family was full of believers. But my dad wasn’t a believer, so we didn’t attend church together as a family. I was dropped at Sunday school weekly to attend with my grandparents. However, fear trapped me from walking down the scary aisle in church to tell them how much I loved Him.

Throughout my childhood I was chased by recurring nightmares of darkness and evil trying to break into my home. These dreams weaved throughout my life were my first glimpse of the battle we faced. When I became a teenager, I chose to be rebellious and stop going to church. Putting God on the shelf, I chased after the things of the world in order to fit in and did lots of wrong things. Anxiety began to pursue me and I would intermittently seek God through the back of my Bible like my grandfather had taught me. Dive Deeper 

I married my high school sweetheart, had our 1st daughter and 12 months later I entered my 1st depression that carried with it anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Medicines and counseling were ineffective. Being hospitalized for 3 weeks, my grandfather called and prayed nightly with me reassuring me of God’s goodness and telling me God was teaching me something. Then, life stopped when I found myself trapped in the midst of a choice that went against God and all I ever believed. I wrestled with God and the doctor’s advice. The world won and my heart was left shattered. In brokenness, I ran back to church. This prodigal couldn’t live life on her own. I needed to come home. I encountered Jesus’ mercy as He reminded me He was the one I knew long ago and that He’d been searching in the distance for me. He would give me the forgiveness I was longing for and although I hadn’t been faithful to Him…He had always faithfully been there for me. With tears rolling down my cheeks, I ran back into His arms, surrendered and rededicated my life to Him and was baptized. The nightmares ceased, the depression lifted and the anxiety quit pursuing me. I was rescued and healed. Dive Deeper 

I led children ministry projects and served faithfully. I asked many “What my purpose was now?” “How do I do this?” Yet, I was left floating alone with no guidance. This is where the craving of intentional discipleship began to grow. During this return, God used me to witness to my father as he lay trapped in his semi-coma. I don’t remember anything from the conversation only my father’s gentle hand squeeze afterwards.

As our family grew to have 4 kids, the thorns and cares of the world overwhelmed us. We foolishly wandered away from church, AGAIN. My 2nd depression appeared. Medicines and counseling didn’t work. God graciously led us to Lakeside through the encouragement of 5 different people. One night I lay curled up in bed crying out “why won’t this terror leave me God?” when He clearly and gently said, “why don’t you read something that will truly help?” Immediately I knew He meant the Bible. Trapped in a prison of timidness with self-esteem and security squashed, God told me at church that weekend, that “I was not given a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and discipline.” Two days later I started a bible study with strangers in Stepping Stones. My depression disappeared. He healed & restored me again. Dive Deeper 

These next years with God were revealing. He showed me I was cyclic like the Kings — living Israel’s pattern. He showed me my depressions were spiritual battles like Nebuchadnezzar’s where my sanity was taken to humble me and how His word was used to heal me. He replenished what the locusts had eaten during the time of my rebellion and fanned into flame an insatiable passion for His word. I studied His word voraciously for 8 years. Leaders asked me to lead and God continued to grow and stretch me.

At a special church event Richard Stearns from World Vision encouraged me to pray for God to break my heart for what breaks His. I did and my life began to change. Not exactly how I anticipated though. We encountered struggles with our children that confronted judgmental areas within my heart. He tore down legalistic stone walls I’d erected and established desires that I’d never had before. However, I didn’t notice His work until later.

Even after all the great God had done, I still stumbled. I was exhausted. It seemed like the more faithful I was, the more chaos occurred in my life. So, erroneously thinking that the pursuit of darkness would cease and not really understanding exactly how to fight the battle, I retreated for a time like Elijah. Dive Deeper 

God still showed up. He inspired me to study Job on my own which I did diligently. Again, he was preparing me for what lie ahead. We lost our income, home, cars, possessions, business, and metaphorically our children to prodigal wanderings and spiritual warfare. We experienced marital conflict, thoughts of divorce after 31 years and attacks on our health. God continually encouraged me through Job to praise Him. Through the last few years my journey of faith has had it’s up and downs…and His overall theme has been “TRUST ME.” This temporary “fall” is merely a set up for a beautiful time of redemption and restoration by God.

With God breaking my heart through all of our experiences, He has opened my eyes to see those whose struggles look similar…the prodigal-esque wanderers, the broken and imprisoned, those battling with spiritual warfare, the wounded, and those craving intentional discipleship. Searching for the lost and loving them despite their brokenness is merely a dim reflection of what God’s done my entire life. I don’t see my weaknesses as hindrances, but rather divine opportunities to meet our long suffering, faithful God who takes great delight in being our Healer. Rescuer. Redeemer. Restorer and Replenisher. Dive Deeper

After walking with God 30+ years, I was encouraged by my small group leader to write out a 5 minute testimony to share with our group. I thought, I have no real testimony. There was no “miraculous come to Jesus” moment. But what I found is God’s miracles are sprinkled throughout my entire life. I found that glorifying God’s work in my life was cleansing, healing, fruitful and faith building. God met me during this time of unwrapping His presence in my life and revealed His unending love for me. I encourage you to take some time to intentionally discover God’s fingerprints in your life.

Blessings my friend. I pray God meets you in a mighty way!

Denise