I remember back in the early 90’s speaking to my Baptist Minister and asking him many controversial questions. When I look back, I don’t remember “why” I asked them, I just know I was prompted by what I read in Scripture and sometimes what I saw on television regarding Christianity.
One question was, “How do you explain what happens to those people when Ministers lay hands on them and they fall over?” I was told, “Denise, that is all *psychosomatic* — they believe so much that this will happen to them that they cause that response to happen when they get touched.” I put my question on a shelf because that response didn’t really resonate with me, but I had no one around me to provide a different explanation to my question. I just felt I needed to learn more, obviously I didn’t know as much as they did.
I sat under cessationism for the next 25 years training me that what I read in Acts wasn’t meant for me and that some of the gifts of the Holy Spirit had ceased and were only relevant 2000 years ago.
Fast forward to February 2016. My world was about to change. Glasses were about to radically be torn off and new vision was going to challenge all I’d been trained to see. Everything I had put on the shelf was coming back out for me to revisit each question. This circle of believers I was thrust in the midst of spoke often about being “slain in the Spirit.” I had no grid to understand, I just knew I’d been taught this is a lie, evil and not for solid Christians. I was leery, unsure and very uncomfortable. What I knew was that I DID NOT desire to experience this because I was down right afraid of it.
Fast forward to Saturday, October 27. My husband willingly agreed to go to an “Empower Conference” by Joanne Moody. She was raised as a Baptist under cessationism, but God had radically taken her out of that world when He miraculously healed her from 14.5 years of excruciating pain. Since then, she’s been training, equipping and imparting what God has given her to other believers that God brings before her.
After 3 years of God opening my eyes, switching my lenses and removing my fear…I told Him, “Lord, I’m ready and willing for whatever You have for me this weekend. I want MORE. You know that’s my heart’s desire. I want everything You have. I want nothing to hold me back. I want all lies silenced. I want to experience You more intimately and differently than ever before.” Honestly, I didn’t know what this meant. I just knew I was OPEN to receive what He had for me this day. He was showing me so many different nuances, much I knew through recent teaching, but because it was said differently I was receiving it afresh. I learned things that had never been planted in me before or seen in Scripture previously. I was so happy for the new enlightenment.
Just before dinner break, Jo asked everyone who felt called to teach the next generation all we were learning to come forward to be prayed for. No question! I nearly ran up as Bill sat in the pew looking on. I was looking for who I wanted to pray for me…lines were everywhere. I just hung out in the middle waiting my turn. I thought I was going to the young girl to my left, but all of a sudden Jo stopped talking on the mic and there she was. I was already kind of in a weird place, present…but… feeling not there. I heard Jo say to the lady beside me as she held her hands and began to pray…she went down and Jo said, “It doesn’t matter if you fall down, that doesn’t make you holier or more spiritual.” I was relieved. The catcher behind me pushed me forward and Jo grabbed my hands. In my head, I was so eager to hear what she was going to speak over me. What was she going to prophesy? How was God going to bless me with her words? Then as she held my hands she said, “It’s okay. Go! Go! GO!” and BOOM! Out!
I lay there, this little conservative Baptist girl was weeping prostrate on my back on the ground. Overwhelmed. Trying to figure out in my mind what was happening. Hearing my thoughts racing, “Oh my word, what about Bill. What is he thinking? Is he okay? Should I get up now so he doesn’t freak out?”
The Lord began to speak words rapidly and profoundly, tenderly and encouragingly to me. He impressed feelings on my heart on how to let go instantly to overcome. “Relax . . . I have Bill . . . He’s okay . . . Receive from Me . . . Relax and let go . . .” His words flooded my mind as I let everything else fade away. “My daughter, step out in faith.” He deposited more love in me and said, “I’m giving you more love. Give My love I have given you.” “Speak My words for you hear My voice.” “Heal others and you will be healed, too.” I was confused by these last words. He knew I was confused. In an instant understanding of this last command was in my spirit. A lie existed within me that I needed to be ALL healed and then He could heal others through me. Without words, He impressed upon me, “You do not need to be all healed for ME to heal, Go! I will heal you simultaneously, those will be blessings you receive in return.” I felt His authority and power in this. While I was laying down there was a weightiness/thickness that was on me, yet I felt light at the same time, like hovering…none of this makes sense when you think too hard about it. Eventually I sat up, I wept more and tried to get my bearings. I thought, I think I can make it back to Bill. As I walked I felt tilted at 45 degrees to the left, though I was walking upright. Once I sat in the pew I noticed my legs were all jello-like and trembling inside, like I’d just squatted tons of weight and my muscles were quivering.
Bill’s eyes of concern were all over me. He asked, “Are you okay?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “I have one question for you. Did you go up there expecting that to happen?” I said, “No. I was actually going up there to have them speak words of prophesy over me and a blessing to carry out the calling I feel God has been giving me.” He said, “Has this ever happened to you before.” I said, “No.” To which I’m sure in his mind he was thinking, why on earth did you invite me to come witness this then?! LOL.
We went to dinner. He grabbed it to go because I still felt weak and unsteady to walk.
My mind was racing again while I sat in the car . . .
Quickly in my head, I was thinking, “Man I’m disappointed. I wanted Jo to pray for me and bless me. I wanted her to anoint me for this calling.”
I started laughing out loud! Hahahahahahaha!
Like her words would be more profound then what the Lord had just done to me, in me and for me! I responded to myself, “Really?! That was amazing! Freaking amazing! I receive it ALL!”
Then the stealing of what the Lord just did began — rapid doubts were being spewed at me… either from the enemy or my own broken thinking patterns — “Did you do this yourself? Did you just fall over? You just relaxed and went over? You didn’t feel a powerful force knock you over! That wasn’t the Holy Spirit. There was nothing special about that. Stop making it up!”
I argued back, “Then why did I feel I was tilted at a 45 degree angle inside when I walked back? Why was there a ‘foggy feeling’ or ‘euphoria feeling’ afterwards? Why were my legs trembling? Why were my legs feeling so jello-like for the last hour? Did I make all that up? I HEARD the Lord speaking all that encouragement to me! I saw Him depositing MORE love in me.
I was standing against the enemy who was attempting to steal my encounter with God. I exclaimed, “You can’t take this from me!” I was fighting against the lie, the stronghold that had been placed in my mind when I was 20 and I was having to war against it. After 30 years it did not want to go easily. I was having to tell it to STOP! Refuse to agree with it anymore! And choose to receive what God had given me! Done. I know what I know.
I continually remain in awe at His gentleness. He is never willing to force Himself on you. He knows when it’s the right time. I was ready and He met me. He has been faithful to explain every question through this journey. I left that conference with uncontainable excitement bubbling over in me. So amazed at His ways!
For those like me, who ask where is “slain in the Spirit” in the Bible? Is this even Biblical? I can tell you because of my experience that my perspective has been changed due to this encounter with the Holy Spirit. However, take a quick look at a few references and see what you think: Genesis 17:3, the Lord appeared to Abraham and he fell face down; Or Revelations 1:17 when John fell to the feet of the First and the Last; Finally, Acts 9:3-6 when Paul fell to the ground and heard the voice of the Lord. This is very similar to what I experienced, the power of God overwhelmed me and I became weak, then He spoke to me things as I lay under His presence.
As Joanne Moody says, it is not up for me to convince you. All I am doing is sharing my experience and encouraging you to seek God to see what He desires to share with you about all of this.