Understanding God’s Heart

Posted on January 25, 2018February 2, 2019 by DSilvan

Many times I’m allowed to go through experiences so that I feel and understand God’s heart. When our older children called only when they needed something, my heart was broken. I didn’t hear from them because they were busy living life. I yearned for our lost closeness, our connection, our friendship. God showed me that’s how He feels when I only call on Him when I’m in trouble. He yearns to hear from me always, even when things are going good because He loves me immensely.

Other times He allows me to go through things to reveal how my actions hurt. He let me walk through a time where people didn’t hold their thoughts captive, didn’t choose to believe the best in me and held me to perfect standards. My heart was broken. The Lord met me then saying, “just like those friends “chose” to believe the lies the enemy planted in their thoughts, so too are you in regards with your husband. This is how his heart feels when you keep choosing to listen to the enemies taunts, read in to what isn’t spoken, assume the worst scenario and demand perfection. Beloved, hold your thoughts captive, cast away the lies, believe and ponder on only the good. Remember to live out Philippians 4:8 ~

“. . . whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Then there are times He leads me to Scripture to give me clarity and explain why it hurts. He encouraged me to read Hosea. God taught me that the pain I was enduring was because an idol, a passion, was being placed above me. I felt unloved, neglected and forgotten. He spoke gently saying that this is exactly how He feels when we choose our lusts and passions over Him. Running to these things for provision, comfort, fulfillment, security, love, and not putting Him first in everything breaks His heart. He showed me some idols He saw in my life like sugar, my husband, people’s approval. In His jealousy, and for my protection, He would not let me have these because He is purifying me. He called me to endure this so I’d understand the pain in His heart when we chase idols rather then placing Him first and foremost.

Recently He said, “when the unexpected storm hits do not get shaken for this is to be anticipated as My child. My Son went through trials and persecution, so will you. Rejoice that you are marked as Mine. Remember, I am with you and this circumstance will not overcome you because I am with you. This trial is testing your faith and building endurance for the race. I’m refining your trust in Me. In the good times trusting Me is simple, but in the tumultuous, unfair and unjust situations, when the fire seems scorching hot, trusting Me is not an easy task. However, as you continue practicing keeping your eyes focused intently on Me, you will be able to traverse the deeper waters I am taking you to. I will develop all this in you over time. Remember the story of My disciples I took in the boat with Me? I was sleeping quietly appearing to be unaware. All of a sudden that furious storm hit and they were terrified. They didn’t need to be confused, bewildered, or fearful…they need not cry out for Me for I was there with them . . . but their faith was little. I am with you, too. To get bigger faith Denise, you must work out those faith muscles by facing obstacles, calling on me and watching me quiet the storms. This will be painful, tiring and challenging. I will refine you and take you to higher levels of faith as I complete my work in you. There’s nothing to hard for Me.”

Look for Him in every situation because He is constantly teaching and counseling us to know His heart.

Rejoicing For I Am His

Posted on April 20, 2017February 2, 2019 by DSilvan

Early on in reading Jeremiah, God grabbed my heart as He illuminated His Word and spoke directly to me…

“Before I formed you in the womb (Denise) I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.” ~ Jeremiah 1:5

I didn’t really know what God meant at this time.

And I still am discovering what this encompasses. What I thought this meant was as I learned God’s Word and stored it in my heart, I would be used to speak His Word to others giving them life, encouragement, direction and gentle correction. Yes, this is part of being His prophet. But I have recently found there is so much more. I’ve been learning how I hear from God, how He speaks to me through His Scriptures and my circumstances, and I am learning how to share what He impresses upon my heart for others in order to share His love and grace He has for each person He places before me.

Rewind to 10+ years ago, a burning passion to understand spiritual warfare was birthed as God connected childhood demon-filled nightmares to an encounter with evil at a Women’s Retreat. I began researching and gathering info on spiritual warfare, not yet knowing why.

One-and-half years has passed since God impressed upon my heart to attend that yearlong Healing Prayer class. For many years I’d studied under a cessationist and was taught that some gifts ceased after Jesus’ days and that words spoken to the 12 and 72 were not meant for me. Because of this, I went to this Healing Prayer class with trepidation and suspicion. However, I intentionally tried to remain open to what God desired to show me. Being like a Berean, I searched Scriptures to make sure what I was being taught aligned with His Word. He awakened me to what He had called me to as His current day disciple, yet sadly I had missed —

In John 14:12-14 Jesus says, “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father. Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.”

I asked God, “What are these ‘works’ Jesus speaks of? And God told me to read through John recording what Jesus was doing. God removed all that faulty teaching and transformed my understanding. He showed me personally the authority He had given me and what He was calling me to.

He continues to reveal why He spoke to me in Jeremiah; why He allowed me to experience darkness through depressions and anxiety; why he allowed me to see visions and dreams of the spiritual world; and, why he led me to a class on Healing Prayer.

In Luke 4:18 Jesus reads Isaiah 61:1-2, “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord.”

Because I no longer live but Christ lives in me, I am called to do the same. I am to exercise the authority I have been given through Jesus. I am to embrace this incomparable great power He has placed within me. I am His ambassador sent to represent Him and His Kingdom. Because He lives in me, I will cast out the enemy; I will lay hands on those He places in my path and they will receive healing from physical ailments and sickness in the Name of Jesus. The kingdom of God will come near to them, (Jesus living in me) and the Father will be glorified in the Son. (Luke 10:1-24, Matthew 10:1, Mark 16:15-18) And, I am to speak His Word to help others see how to walk in the authority He has given us as His children.

These last 9 months have been a wild, challenging, joyful, faith-building adventure. I’ve experienced God in ways never before. He showed me He would draw people to me and He has. He’s allowed me to feel His intense power as I prayed for a young man’s deliverance in my small group. He’s allowed me to smell the presence of the Holy Spirit as fragrant roses to remind me His Spirit was present as I prepared to pray for a man’s healing. He’s given me divine encounters with strangers who delivered timely messages sharing God heals immediately, as well as over time — do not be dismayed. He’s allowed me to feel a person’s pain leave her arm through mine. He’s given me timely words to share with client’s during healing prayer prophesying life and hope to their situation. He’s compelled me to do things that this introvert, don’t like to pray out loud girl has done because He bubbled up so fiercely inside me I had to respond. But isn’t that just like God, using the weak to do His work. For when it happens all the glory goes to Him. He doesn’t need me to do any of this work, but He loves to allow me to participate with Him.

Looking back through all He has done in these previous years overwhelms my soul and encourages me to follow Him deeper. Just as the early disciples came back excited exclaiming all they had done in the name of Jesus. Proclaiming that even demons had to answer to them. But Jesus reminded them that the only thing they need to rejoice over was that their name was written in the Book of Life.

Therefore, I’m left rejoicing for I am His.

Hearing God’s Voice

Posted on January 5, 2017February 2, 2019 by DSilvan

As I continue to walk on this path of healing prayer, hearing His voice and being immediately obedient has become my heart’s #1 desire. Recently, a mentor mentioned she’s starting a study on “How to Hear God’s Voice” by Mark Virkler . . . my heart flip-flopped in my chest. I purchased this study last year but never started. I pulled out the companion book “4 Keys to Hearing God’s Voice” and began reading. A few days later, another friend sent me the link for Graham Cooke’s “Stillness and the Voice of God.” I love when God envelopes me with repeated echoes grabbing my attention and announcing that He’s speaking.

Trying to discern His voice daily can be challenging. Sometimes I feel like Samuel when he had trouble discerning God’s voice as God called to him in the stillness of the night. Yet in reflecting, God reminded me that I have heard Him in a myriad of ways: while I’m in nature at the mountains or at the beach, as I read my Bible, through conversation with other people I encounter, as I watch movies, through pictures He places in my mind and as He travels me through Scriptures when I question Him. Typically, when He speaks to me what takes Him a second to download requires pages for me to explain.

One of the first impactful times I heard God crystal clear was during my 2^nd depression.

I walked into the Pet Store by Office Depot feeling fine but pressures and upon exiting my world was instantly turned upside down and fractured . . . everything felt tilted and sideways, anxiety engulfed and balance all askew. The stress of trying to figure out how to provide a sustainable habitat for my children’s frog they just found, pushed me over the edge. This seems like such a small thing, but it was the straw that crushed the camel. My world had become trying to be perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect daughter, perfect whatever anybody needed never saying no and never having boundaries. I had turned to being dependent on myself and left God somewhere behind all my cares and concerns. And there you go, I found myself broken yet again.

Trapped in darkness for months, doctors gave me medicine that only provided sedation and side effects. Counseling only plastered unwanted labels on me like atypical psychosis, dissociative disorder and anxiety. True healing evaded me. Fear overwhelmed me and heavy terror engulfed me. I’d crochet adult afghans in a day trying to distract myself. I’d read 800+ page books in a day trying to silence the tormenting feelings that incessantly pursued me. My world seemed like a surreal dream. Was I real? Was my family real? I lived terrified I would wake up and forget everyone I loved. So strategically I’d place their pictures everywhere practicing their names as I passed by. I even had visions of how I should end my life. Everyone would be better off without this crazy person adding chaos and being a burden.

I was so tired of living this way. The tears wouldn’t stop, as I lay curled in the fetal position on my bed crying out to God. Why was I broken beyond repair? Why me? In the little strength I had, seasoned with a tinge of anger from feeling forgotten, I cried, “Why won’t You help me?!”

God ever so gently replied, “Why don’t you read something that will truly help you?”

I KNEW it was GOD! There was no mistaking His voice…this gentle quiet whisper within my head carried profound sovereign authority. I knew instantly He was instructing me to pull out my Bible and begin reading. “Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction.” Psalm 107:19-20

What medicine and therapy could not do, God did in a matter of a few weeks as I began my journey back to being in His word…the depression disappeared.

God’s healing can be instantaneously miraculous. Or, it can appear over time. God gave me this imagery through a stranger a couple weeks ago. Imagine a pitch-black dark morning with heavy suffocating fog drifting through the land. As time progresses, the dark is eroded away by the brilliant sunlight and the fog is burnt off by the light’s warmth. Healing occurs as you patiently wait. “My son (daughter), pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to My words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.” Proverbs 4:20-22

I learned a very valuable lesson this second depression. NEVER LEAVE GOD’S WORD! Each time depression entered my world, I noticed I had become dependent on myself, neglected being in God’s word, thereby allowing depression to wrap it’s arms around me and engulf my soul. As I stay in His Word and remain dependent on Him, I remain healthy and depression free. Praise God and His mighty ways!

Shattering Strongholds

Posted on September 22, 2016February 2, 2019 by DSilvan

Our children were raised in the church and all of them spoke of God, praised God and raised their hands in worship. But when the teenage years hit, the world sucked them in, friends in the wrong crowd led them astray, their rebellious ways of their flesh surfaced and the enemy slyly entered causing chaos, destruction and discouragement. The Scripture “Train them in the way they should go and they will not depart from it,” tortured me because I wondered where I had gone wrong.

With one of our daughter’s we dealt with drugs, promiscuity, an attempt to harm herself, homosexuality, vile disrespect, uncontrollable anger and much more. I was lost. I didn’t feel equipped on how to battle these things. God spoke frequently and reassured me through His Word. God gave me two Scriptures that buoyed my faith and anchored me during these storms. One is Isaiah 43:5-7 and the other is Jeremiah 31:16-17.

Jeremiah 31 states —

This is what the Lord says: “Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,” declares the Lord. “They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your descendants,” declares the Lord. “Your children will return to their own land.”

Over the last 7 years God has been teaching me much about spiritual warfare. He’s provided experiences, people who give me random books like “God Wins,” and packets that contain random prayers. The random prayer led me to a book that transformed how I prayed for our children: “Shattering Your Strongholds“ by Liberty Savard. God was teaching me how to fight spiritual warfare through prayer.

I love how God sets up divine appointments to encourage us and to foreshadow what the future holds. Five years ago I roomed with a complete stranger at retreat. We stayed up late talking. She shared how she was at the retreat with her rebellious daughter whom she thought would NEVER EVER come. I remember thinking, God that would be amazing. I long for that day to be seen with my daughter. But if I’m being honest, I thought it would never happen. My faith in God was lackluster.

Six months ago, our daughter was going through something. Honestly I don’t remember what the topic or issue was. However, the way I always handle difficulties is I point to God. I quote Scripture that comes to my mind in the conversation and I speak of His ways. He’s the first thing to roll off my tongue, whether I’m speaking to a believer or non-believer. My solution is always, God.

After I mentioned God, our daughter said, “Mom, I knew you were going to talk about God. I don’t want to hear about God. It’s not always about God. Sometimes I just need you to listen and say something different. STOP talking about God!”

Clearly, she didn’t want to hear His name.

Anyone who knows me, understands all I ever talk about is God this and God that. God. God. God. He is my everything and I see Him involved in everything. According to her, I just needed to listen to her and give her worldly advice, but never mention His name.

So, I stopped. I gave her space. I resolved to not say God’s name to her again. HARD!

My heart mourned . . . I still didn’t really understand truly what I was battling.

Shortly afterwards, God reminded me of the book He led me to, “Shattering Your Strongholds“. I pulled out this arsenal and began praying. At first I prayed exactly word for word what the author wrote. I began commanding all the ways of the world and ways of her flesh to be loosened from her in the name of Jesus. Then I asked for her to be bound to the opposite godly characteristic. I commanded anger to be loosened from her and for her to be bound to God’s love. I commanded rebellious ways to be loosened from her and for her to be bound to God’s obedient ways. I prayed for her heart, mind and soul to be bound to God’s heart, mind, and soul. I asked for her thoughts to be flooded with thoughts of God. Then after doing this for a few days, I could sense the Spirit prompting me to pray specific things. I continued praying over anything and everything ungodly that popped into my mind to be loosened from her and sought God to reveal what I needed to bind her to specifically. I was commanding the ways of the world and flesh to be loosened from her and commanding heaven to come to earth for her.

Two months later, our daughter called me asking if I had an extra Bible to read and if I had that Bible study on forgiveness. In all calmness I said, “yes.” Secretly, on my side of the phone, I was doing a happy dance while my heart was nearly exploding from my chest! I didn’t have an extra Bible but she didn’t need to know that. I ran right to the Family Christian store and bought her one in her favorite color. Just like how God works, two days earlier, I had just found these studies hidden under boxes in a room that I was cleaning, otherwise I would have had no idea where they were.

Within 2 hours she had both. Over the next few months she began asking me to pray and her sisters to pray. Then, she mentioned she was praying. Through moments of amazement, God’s faithfulness was becoming visible. His provision. His direction. His leading. All of it was perfect.

Two weekends ago, all three of our girls went with me to the Girl’s Getaway…even the one I thought would NEVER come. God had been working on her heart. The walls she had erected to protect herself and keep others out were being chiseled away and torn down. She was revealing brokenness within her to others and showing tears during small group. She has NEVER allowed herself to be emotionally vulnerable before. Life had taken its toll on her and she was ready to admit she couldn’t do it on her own. She submitted and surrendered. Verbally choosing to receive His free gift of hope.

God brought her home. God returned her from the land of the enemy. God provided hope for my descendants. He is faithful. He is true to His Word. He is trustworthy and worthy of all our praise. We serve a Mighty and Sovereign God. One Who is beautiful in all His ways. One Whose timing is impeccable and Whose faithfulness is never ending.

These are the prayers God reminded me of. Pray them in their entirety or take the snippets that speak to you heart. Let the Holy Spirit guide you to what you need to do. He has provided this for you . . .

Satan and His Demonic Forces

If the person for whom you are interceding has not confessed Jesus as Savior and Lord, pray specifically for his/her salvation if you have not already done so. Stand and thank the Father that it is done in the name of Jesus. Then pray:

“Father, in the name of Jesus, I come boldly to Your throne of grace and present before You. I stand in the gap and intercede in behalf of , knowing that the Holy Spirit within me takes hold together with me against the evils that would attempt to hold in bondage. I unwrap from the bonds of wickedness with my prayers and take my shield of faith and quench every fiery dart of the adversary that would come against .

Father, You say that whatever I bind on earth is bound in heaven, and whatever I loose on earth is loosed in heaven. You say for me to cast out demons in the name of Jesus.

In the name of Jesus I bind ‘s body, soul and spirit to the will and purposes of God for his/her life. I bind ‘s mind, will and emotions to the will of God. I bind him/her to the truth and to the blood of Jesus. I bind his/her mind to the mind of Christ that the very thoughts, feelings and purposes of His heart would be within his/her thoughts.

I loose every old, wrong, ungodly pattern of thinking, attitude, idea, desire, belief, motivation, and every wrong mind/body agreement he/she has about wrong behaviors. I tear down, crush, smash and destroy every stronghold associated with these things. I loose any stronghold in his/her life that has been justifying and protecting hard feelings against anyone. I loose the strongholds of unforgiveness, fear, and distrust from him/her.

Father, I ask you to commission your ministering spirits to go forth and provide the necessary help to and assistance for .

Father, I have laid hold of ‘s salvation and his/her confession of the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I speak of things that are not as though they were, for I choose to look at the unseen — the eternal things of God. I say that Satan shall not get an advantage over , for I am not ignorant of Satan’s devices. I resist Satan, and he has run in terror from in the name of Jesus. I give Satan no place in . I plead the blood of the Lamb over , for Satan and his cohorts are overcome by that blood and Your Word. I thank You, Father, that I tread on serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy in ‘s behalf. is delivered from this present evil world. He/she is delivered from the powers of darkness and translated into the Kingdom of Your dear Son!

Father, I ask You now to fill those vacant places within with Your redemption, Your Word, Your Holy Spirit, Your love, Your wisdom, Your righteousness and Your revelation knowledge in the name of Jesus

I thank you, Father, that is redeemed out of the hand of Satan by the blood of Jesus. He/she is justified and made righteous by the blood of Jesus and belongs to You — spirit, soul and body. I thank You that every enslaving yoke is broken, for he/she will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power in the name of Jesus. has escaped the snare of the devil who has held him/her captive and henceforth does Your will, Father, which is to glorify You in his/her spirit, soul and body.

Thank You, Father that Jesus was manifested that He might destroy the works of the devil. Satan’s works are destroyed in ‘s life in the name of Jesus. Hallelujah! walks in the Kingdom of God, which is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit! Praise the Lord! Amen.

This prayer may be prayed as many times as necessary. It takes time to realize the faith that leads you into a position of praise and thanksgiving. Stand firm, fixed, unmovable, and steadfast remembering that greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.

Shattering Your Strongholds Prayer

I have included a prayer from Shattering Your Strongholds by Rev. Libery S. Savard. This prayer stresses the importance of binding ourselves and others to the will and purposes of God and loosing the strongholds from our souls that prevent healing prayers from penetrating our spirits. I recommend that you incorporate this powerful prayer into your deliverance intercession. Shattering Your Strongholds is excellent reading for all involved in intercession whether individual or corporate.

“In the Name of Jesus Christ, I bind ‘s body, soul and spirit to the will and purposes of God for his/her life. I bind ‘s mind, will and emotions to the will of God. I bind him/her to the truth and to the blood of Jesus. I bind his/her mind to the mind of Christ, that the very thought, feelings and purposes of His heart would be within his/her thoughts. I bind ‘s feet to the paths of righteousness that his/her steps would be steady and sure. I bind him/her to the work of the cross with all of its mercy, grace, love, forgiveness and dying to self.

I Loose the power and effects of wrong agreements from . I loose deceptions and lies from ‘s mind, and I loose the effects and influences of any soul ties heshe has with other people. I loose the confusion and blindness the god of this world from ‘s mind that has kept him/her from seeing the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I call forth every precious word of Scripture that has ever entered into his/her mind and heart that it would rise up in power within him/her.

In the name of Jesus, I loose the power and effects of any harsh or hard words (word curses) spoken to, about or by . I loose all generational bondage thinking and associated strongholds from . I loose all grave clothes from him/her. I loose all effects and bondages from him/her that may have been caused by mistakes I have made.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I crush, smash and destroy generational bondages of any kind from mistakes made at any point between generations. I destroy them right here, right now. They will not bind and curse any more members of this family. I bind and loose these things in Jesus’s name. He has given me the keys and the authority to do so. Thank You Lord for the truth. Amen”

*Used by permission of Rev. Liberty Savard, Pres., Liberty Savard Ministries, P.O. Box 41260, Sacramento CA 95841. 1993 Bridge-Logos Publishers, New Brunswick, NJ.

May we all be loosed from the strongholds of anger, anxiety, competition, confusion, control, deceit, denial, depression, disease, disobedience, distress, distrust, doubt, envy, false security, fear, fornification, gossip, greed, guilt, hostility, immorality, immaturity, independence of God, isolation, jealousy, lust, manipulation, oppression, prejudice, pride, rebellion, self indulgence, sexual soul ties, sickness, suppression, violence and wickedness, procrastination, sibling rivalry, people pleasing attributes and intimidation.

May we all be bond to love, faith, peace, God’s order, a sound mind, freedom in Christ, truth, agreeable spirit, joy, hopefulness, health, obedience, contentment, belief, clarity, kindness, security, courage, boldness, purity, faithfulness, keeping people’s names safe in your mouth, seeing the good in people, generosity, virtue, honor, respect, goodwill, benevolence, moral uprightness, maturity in faith, dependence on God, companionship, delight, God’s favor, blessing, justice, humility, harmony in relationships, submissiveness, unselfishness, peacefulness, cooperation, pleasing God, building one another up.

Roaring Lion Within

Posted on July 5, 2016January 28, 2019 by DSilvan

Seriously…these images were ALL AROUND me! EVERYWHERE. The saying on the photos was irrelevant (rarely fitting what I heard from God). So, I edited them and placed wording on them that God spoke to me.

Back on April 27, 2016 God began surrounding me with images of Lions and Tigers.

The searing images are what God used to speak to me…instantly… deep within my soul. I am small, but HE is the Immense, Regal, Powerful, Protective Lion within…embrace what He says about you and allow the shadow of Him, the reflection of Him, touch the lives of all you encounter. “Denise, let Me have all of you. Let Me reign in every area of your life. BELIEVE all that I say about you. Then, your simple human form will reveal the Mighty Ruling King you serve. Let Me reign within you and God’s presence will be known”

Sitting in AWE.

Does He hit you from all directions, too?

I love it when this happens! When He drives home a point. Encountering Him like this is beautiful! I’m always left craving more.

In addition to the images, He surrounded me with music that He used to tie all the photos up beautifully with…like a magnificent wrapped gift tied with a silky red bow waiting for me to unwrap all that He had for me.

God spoke clearly each time that He is the Lion within me . . . How do I see myself? Challenging me, “Denise, believe what I say about Me and what that means for you.”

How do you see yourself? Choose to believe the truth!

Claiming what God has made true about me because of Jesus in me will be a life long journey. The reality of it is that the thief, the prince of this world, the serpent from days past, comes to speak lies with his forked tongue… you are unworthy, you are good for nothing, you are useless because of the things you struggle with or the things you’ve done in the past, you are unforgivable, you are poor, you are ugly, you are fat, you are too skinny, you are this, you are that, you are . . . — you fill in the blank with whatever the enemy whispers in your ear to tear you down. Those are lies! Believe in God’s truth about you. That’s what matters.

These lies that torment me come from many places. The world has warped my thinking; the enemy has used bullies, a critical parent and harsh people to tear me to shreds; as well as, my own faulty perceptions twisting me in to knots. Fighting against these lies and replacing them with God’s truths takes diligence to change the voice within my mind and transform the pattern of my thinking. With God’s help this is possible!

This entire year, God has been chiseling into the flesh of my heart His truths about me because of His Son. I’ve KNOWN them in my mind, I’ve READ them for years . . . but many times I don’t EMBRACE them and then my behavior doesn’t portray them accurately because they haven’t traveled to my heart. I have to repeatedly REMIND myself Who I belong to and what that means about me.

I read a timely devotional on May 1 . . . clearly God had some words for me during these past 5 days. Read below and see what it says to you?

What you are about to read ties in with a past post I wrote when God downloaded my identity a fresh. Check it out here: Identity in Christ.

Sharon speaks of much of what my heart has walked through.

April 27, 2016
You Are Who God Says You Are
Sharon Jaynes

Today’s Truth
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! (1 John 3:1 NIV)

Friend to Friend

I became a Christian when I was a teenager. But even after I made a commitment to follow Christ, feelings of inferiority, insecurity, and inadequacy clung to me like a spider’s sticky web. The dirge of “I’m not good enough” was a song I couldn’t get out of my head. The lies of the enemy created limitations in my life. They were the barbed wire that fenced me in and kept God’s best at bay.

The problem was, I had no idea who I was, what I had, or where I was as a child of God. Oh, I understood that I was going to go to heaven when I left this earth, but what I was supposed to do until I got there had me stumped. I felt that I was always disappointing God, and I was certainly a disappointment to myself.I tried the best I could to be the best I could be, but always fell short.

Eventually I joined the ranks of thousands of Christians before me who settled in the land of in-between: saved from my Egypt—the penalty of sin in the hereafter, but worlds away from my Promised Land—experiencing the abundant life in the here and now. I settled into a stagnant faith, a safe faith, the stuck faith with other defeated believers who falsely saw themselves through a filter of past sins and failures, rather than through the lens of their new identity as a child of God.

After high school I went to college where I met and married an awesome Christian man. About four years later, I became a mom. Life was good, except for this termite-like gnawing in my gut that I just didn’t quite measure up to all the other church moms with their smiling faces. (I wonder if you’ve ever felt that way too.)

I walked around with the fear that one day I would be found out—that one day folks would figure out that I wasn’t all I was cracked up to be. I lived under an undefined self-imposed standard of approval.

Childhood echoes of “you’re so ugly” and “what’s wrong with you” and “you can’t do anything right” left me feeling congenitally flawed. I sat in Bible study groups like someone in a hospital waiting room: hoping for the best but expecting the worst. My greatest fear was that I’d be no closer to being free of the insecurity than I was before the study began.

When I was in my mid-thirties, I sat under the teaching of an older woman in my church, Mary Marshal Young. She opened my eyes to the truths in Scripture about who I was, what I had, and where I was (my position) as a child of God. I had read those verses scattered throughout Scripture before, but when she encouraged me to cluster them together into one list, God began a new work in my heart.

You are a saint.

You are chosen.

You are dearly loved.

You are holy.

These truths were right there on the pages of my Bible in black and white and a few in red.

You are reconciled through Christ’s life.

You are justified by Christ’s blood.

You are free from condemnation through Christ’s death.

You have the mind of Christ.

You can do all things through Christ.

I knew the verses were the infallible Word of God, but I felt rather squeamish hearing them, reading them, believing them.

They didn’t feel right.

They didn’t sound right.

They made me downright uncomfortable.

And all the while I was studying about my true identity, the devil taunted me with accusations. Who do you think you are? A saint? Are you kidding? This stuff might be true for some people, but it certainly is not true about you.

One day God asked me an important question—one that He is asking you right now. Who are you going to believe?

I was at a crossroads, one you might be standing at this very moment. Was I going to believe God and begin seeing myself as God saw me, or was I going to continue believing the lies of the enemy and the echoes of my past? Was I going to remain stuck in a stagnant faith because I was too insecure to take a step toward the abundant life that Jesus had promised, or was I going to march confidently around the walls of my inadequacies until they came tumbling down?

Finally, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. “God, I’m going to believe I am who You say I am,” I prayed. “I don’t feel it. I can barely think it. But I’m going to believe Your Word is true for me and about me.”

And that’s what I’m challenging you to do today. Let go of your insecurities and take hold of your true identity. Will you join me? If so, click over to my Facebook page and say, “I’m taking hold!”

I encourage you to pray with me —
Heavenly Father, I bring myself before You. I thank You for choosing me to be your child, for calling me Your beloved, and loving me just as I am. Today, I ask that You loosen from me all the lies I have believed and ask that they no longer be part of me. Help me choose to believe that I am who You say that I am—a holy, dearly loved, child of Yours who is equipped by You, empowered by the Holy Spirit, and enveloped in Jesus Christ. Father, when my faith waivers, and unbelief sneaks in, quickly remind me that I am who You say I am. Lead me not into the temptation of doubting, but deliver me from my wrong thinking, from the lies the enemy throws at me and replace the deceitful words with Your truth about me. Enable me to be the child You’ve created me to be! And in the process of changing the patterns of my thinking, may I bring glory to You!

In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

Here is the song that just pierced my heart! Enjoy!

God’s Not Dead ~ Newsboys

Invisible Foe

Posted on December 11, 2015January 28, 2019 by DSilvan

As I was floating through this quiet period, I didn’t realize the storm that was brewing. We were heading directly into a battle for our lives and our children’s lives…this time I call our Job experience. Our finances were cut down to 30% of our normal income; we lost our cars; we lost our home after 20+ years of owning; we struggled to hold onto a business which eventually we lost; metaphorically we lost our kids as they went through intense trials and warfare of their own: suicide attempt, homosexuality, drug using, stealing, arresting, NAB (Neighborhood Accountability Board) interventions, court appearances; we encountered marital conflicts over how to deal with issues. There was division in every relationship possible and simultaneously our health was attacked. I was exhausted! I wanted out! This is not what I signed up for! I loved God, read His word, fed His sheep, tried my best to follow Jesus’ ways and yet my life was filled with chaos…wasn’t life supposed to be smooth?

You see God had encouraged me earlier to read Job on my own. So I did. I studied it diligently. Picked it apart. Immersed myself in it. Not knowing what lay ahead in our future. So when I found myself here, I was determined to Praise God through the bad like Job did. It was if God said,

“Denise this is in your future, I’m preparing you, remember to praise me. You can do this. Understand that Satan has requested a time to sift you and I have approved it and I know you will rise to the challenge. Remember, I’ve only given him permission to go so far.”

During this time I worked hard to stay positive, sometimes I soared on eagles wings, while other times I was pulled through the quagmire of mud just trying to hold on to the edge of Jesus’ robe. I wrestled with trust issues with God and searched for His fingerprints in every episode. I continue to mourn over the many losses and grapple with understanding why He felt I could walk His children through these times graciously with unconditional love in the midst of all the judgment and stares. I don’t get His ways, I don’t like that it isn’t wrapped in a perfect beautiful box with a gorgeous bow…you know the elegant box that all are envious of. But I know in my heart that His way is better than the painting I have created…I just need to trust Him more. He has shown me that I am a prodigal. I understand prodigals and He knows exactly what He is doing by giving my children me as a mother. I am a prodigal raising prodigals. I understand them and I will love them despite of all their broken areas. It’s taken a while to get here, but He’s grown my faith immensely during these last 7 years.

After two years of hiding and many attempts to bring me back, I finally accepted a dear friend’s invitation to a Daniel study. The first 3 weeks of the study, He fanned into flame a renewed energy. He once again immersed me into doing two studies. He divinely placed two books out of nowhere to read simultaneously—all 4 intertwined with some aspect of warfare. In His ways, He’s awakened me to the spiritual warfare that has been always present in my life from the time I was little. He’s busy making connections, showing me ways to fight, and surrounding and bombarding me in all directions on this topic of warfare. He’s been placing one verse on my heart repeatedly. Matthew 7:5 “…first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” But what He says to me is “first Denise learn how to fight My way successfully, and then you can help others do the same.” I don’t know what He has planned, but He has physically opened my eyes and everywhere I look I see brokenness, I see spiritual warfare, and I see wounded people unaware of how to fight this invisible foe that is very much present and what steps to take.

I’m so grateful that He’s allowed me to see His activity in my life. Although it’s not usually at that moment, He eventually weaves a thread throughout that helps pull everything into perspective. I’ve realized that He uses a lot of “dual referencing” in my life. Most times it’s not something I’m aware of as a “foreseeing as to what’s down the road” but rather I notice it in an after the fact “oh, that’s why He had me do that study in order to prepare me for this stretch of my journey.” In past experiences, He uses these references to explain through a biblical story why something happened in my life, connecting the dots and bringing everything full circle. Through my life experience He brings those 2 dimensional Bible characters into a real life 3D play with current day participants… my loved ones, enemies and me. I’ve come to understand and accept that I won’t just learn the principles behind the bible stories by merely reading them. God knows I learn best when He allows me to walk them out through a personal experience so that His lessons will be permanently tattooed onto my heart. Amazingly that’s what allows God’s glory to shine brightest because by doing this I can fully understand, gain compassion, drop all judgments, and become a high priest to a wounded soul during their journey that resembles mine. That’s how He brings beauty from our ashes, brings good from our pain, heals the wounds of the afflicted and helps release the captive from their prison.

This brief segment in our journey has not been easy at all. But when someone is training to run a successful race there must be a ton of conditioning and strenuous workouts to build stamina, endurance, and strong muscles. Trust is like a muscle… as God gives me opportunities to exercise my trust in Him, my faith get’s stronger and I’m able to persevere. I’m so grateful for all that He has done, all that He is doing, and eagerly anticipating all that He will do in my life. Look for His fingerprints in your life because He encourages you through them!

*Return to Faithfulness of God

Judgment Chisled Away

Posted on December 8, 2015January 31, 2019 by DSilvan

A dear friend, Shelly, asked me if I’d brainstorm with her about the S.H.A.P.E. workshop she was leading. This class is based off the book written by Erik Rees, “S.H.A.P.E.: Finding and Fulfilling Your Unique Purpose for Life.” I was excited. In February 2015, I took this workshop and God helped me understand so much more about how He wired me. All of sudden I could embrace parts of me that had always baffled and confused me or made me feel inferior to others. He dialed into sharper focus how He’d been shaping me. I began to see with a different perspective why quite possibly I’d been allowed to walk through many difficult times in such rapid succession. In this workshop God redefined in my mind what teaching could look like for an introvert . . . one who is more comfortable behind a monitor screen rather than on a stage in front of many people. Enthusiastically I shared that it would be amazing if Shelly had someone share their testimony in the “Experience” part of the workshop. Illustrating how God had pulled together their Spiritual gifts, Heart/passion, Abilities, Personality, and Experiences to make an impact because that’s exactly what God had begun to do for me — it was life giving. Shelly thought it was a great idea! However, I didn’t realize that I had already been the unnamed friend she shared in the workshop previously. Now my life would become the visual aid through my lips . . . not high on an introvert’s bucket list.

I prayed about this opportunity. I wrestled with my fear about being authentic and open in a public forum. Writing and sharing behind the protection of a computer screen fits more in my wheel house for a shy introvert. Standing in front of 75 people speaking to them with all their eyes intently focused on me was NOT high on my radar. Then, I encountered a personal attack on my newly established battlefield. I quickly wanted to retreat…I reevaluated whether I should accept this challenge . . . what good could come from me laying my heart bare and opening myself up for wounds. God gently walked in, helped me humble my heart to the offender and encouraged me to be Bold and Courageous, to be True to who He had created me to be, and to seek to please Him and only Him not man. I accepted. Here is what God taught me through my journey in unwrapping my SHAPE:

On the outside, I was a nice, helpful, good person. I am a recovering perfectionist who looked the part of a “good” Christian: going to church, reading my bible, praying, serving, and teaching my children God’s ways. However, in the darkest crevices of my heart I was judgmental. Very judgmental. I didn’t understand people who wrestled with adultery, homosexuality, stealing, drug addiction, pornography, murder and more. One area I was especially good at was judging parents. It was obvious why their children struggled and faced dire consequences: they didn’t spend time with them, show them love, be a stay at home parent, and raise them in the church to know and follow Jesus? If they had done these things, or a majority of them, it would be a different story. I believed that nurture beat out nature all the time. I believed that the closer I followed Jesus the smoother my life would be.

Are you angry yet? Are you laughing? I hope you’re praying for me to understand God more fully and love more unconditionally because I haven’t arrived and I still need His help every day. I hope you realize, all that I just spoke about in the previous paragraph are LIES. They were symptoms from viewing everything though imperfect lenses. Frankly, I find it repulsive now. But then, that’s what made me feel I had life figured out. I could judge everyone on everything I had no struggles with while ignoring ALL the areas I fell so profoundly in.

Although sharing my life in this tattered and marred package is difficult, it illustrates how God’s grace and the Holy Spirit’s power have been transforming me into a different person today. By standing back and recognizing where He’s brought me, I’m given great hope for where He’s taking me.

At Lakeside Church, I began an intense 4-year Bible study journey where I was in 4 different study groups simultaneously year round. God was going to transform and renew my thinking . . . He was busy replenishing and restoring what the locusts had eaten, changing what the world had warped within me and annihilating my flesh by putting to death the “old me” and creating the “new me.” In hindsight I see how my abilities, passions, and spiritual gifts were intertwining. As a child I loved to study. It energized me. I LOVED. LEARNING. Combine that with my gifts of knowledge, wisdom, prophecy and teaching and I understood now why I was wired this way. I couldn’t know enough or learn enough. I researched endlessly to understand His Word. Then, I wanted to run out and share all that God had poured into me.

However, after learning so much I was confused why I didn’t love others well because God is Love? It was around this time when I was prompted to pray a prayer for God to “Break my heart for what breaks His” by Richard Stearns who wrote The Whole in Our Gospel. I don’t recommend this unless you are ready for LIFE-CHANGING experiences. Because God brings it when we pray like this! Many experiences that broke His heart began emerging and they broke my heart, as well.

Looking back through Jesus’ expedited training program, a few studies stood out that had really impacted me and those combined with my experiences produced a wealth of wisdom. Much of what I read in His Word was solidified by what He taught me as I walked each trial out with Him.

Hebrews taught me of faith, but most importantly how God disciplines His children. We can take comfort from knowing that discipline is proof that we are legitimate children of God. Even though it’s unpleasant at the time, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace if we’re trained by it. Then 1 Peter talked of suffering and understanding there will come a time when we face a fiery ordeal that seems strange, but remember to rejoice that we participate in Christ’s sufferings. Finally the biggest was when the Spirit encouraged me to study Job on my own. God taught me that sometimes trials come that can’t be explained, but understand that nothing has come to us that hasn’t been filtered through His fingers first. God wasn’t surprised by what our future held. In fact He’d allowed it for a divine purpose. All the studying I did created a firm foundation for me to stand on when the storms came. The wealth of wisdom that He gave me through these trials can be shared to strengthen others when they face similar battles.

Our Job experience began shortly after I read all Job penned in the Bible. My husband was a full commission salesman and when the economy plummeted in 2011 so did our finances. We began making 30% of our normal income. Eventually our home was foreclosed. We lost a car. We lost a business we’d started. Our children floundered from the drastic changes in our lifestyle. We entered various trials due to bad choices they resorted to in order to cope. And we came face to face with some of their fleshly battles that were suddenly revealed. Then my husband’s and my health came under attack. My husband developed Bells Palsy and his face remains paralyzed and I lost hearing in my right ear for no known reason, lost my sense of smell and developed stomach issues that doctors could not explain. Eventually our marriage began to suffer. Everything that had been good seemed to be spiraling out of control. God reminded me that Satan had challenged my faith. Was I only going to love God because of all the conveniences, beautiful, and comfortable things He’d given me? It’s easy to love God when life is good. I sensed the Spirit reassuring me that we had been given over for a time of sifting, a time of discipline, a time of purifying. God knew we would stand steadfast and proclaim our love for Him in the midst of the bad. He was on a mission to prove to Satan and those watching us that our faith is genuine, more precious than gold or any earthly thing. Waiting for the storm to pass, God surrounded me with multiple books on spiritual warfare and I began studying again. Learning how to fight the battle that I felt untrained to fight.

Another part of my purpose began to emerge. I was being trained to see our spiritual battle and how to stand against the enemy that we cannot see, but most assuredly lurks around seeking to devour us.

When I wrote this for the SHAPE workshop we had been on our journey of healing and restoration for 3.5 years. God walked through the fire and raging waters with us and now He’s bringing beauty from the ashes. Now . . . 7 years past this extremely difficult season in our life, God HAS RESTORED! We have purchased a new home something we struggled to believe we would ever be able to do again. We bought a new car, too (well, “new” to us ~ used is the only way to go.) Our kids are for the most part on the other side of life-changing choices. God told me in Job that He WOULD restore doubly what was taken. He gave me HOPE to hold on to. I clung to that though many told me I was foolish to believe that as a promise. They would say our replenishment would most likely be in heaven. I chose to ponder on the word I felt God spoke into my heart while taking this journey. He’s been faithful to all He told me. What others miss when I say God told me He’d “restore doubly”, is that I don’t view this as necessarily a monetary promise.

Throughout this journey God has changed our perspective on the “American Dream.” Having a house to live in that doesn’t overwhelm us in debt, enjoying our children overcoming their struggles and blossoming, changing our perspectives on what is truly important, being freed from the captivity of worrying about what others think or say about you or your family is being restored doubly. We have more than money could ever buy. For this I am grateful.

All these life experiences have taught me to love unconditionally better and judgment was brutally chiseled away. My heart breaks for parents when their children make poor choices because I’ve worn that shame and heard the judgmental whispers despite doing everything right, or at least trying my best at the time.

In truth, these moments taught me how what I do as a child of God does reflect poorly on my Father to those who do not know Him. But my bad choices don’t define who God is, they actually reveal where I am in relation to Him (far or close to Him.) What breaks my Heavenly Father’s heart is seeing the lies I’m choosing to believe about myself, me getting caught in the lies of the world and getting lost, and not embracing how much He loves me . . . I understand all this now for He let my heart get broken as a parent.

I no longer want to be like Job’s friends anymore, judging and assuming why something is happening when only God knows because I’ve experienced that pain from the murderous whispers spoken in ear shot.

I lean towards the “nature” side. Whether the ugly blemishes are hidden within our heart or worn on the outside for everyone to see, it’s all brokenness. It’s in our nature.

The depressions, anxiety and fear I was allowed to battle and endure gives me deep compassion for those with similar stories.

How I view prisoners or drug addicts has taken a 180-degree turn. Because of the work God has done in my heart, I find myself loving the outcasts, the lost, the wounded, those that the world has given up on and calls losers or zeros. This was never part of my character before, but our God works miracles! He loves a ragamuffin like me and He never gives up!

He’s been molding my heart to fit the purpose he designed me for. My heart beats to know our amazing God better, to teach others about His unending faithfulness, to help others to be strong in their faith during trials and to equip others to stand firm against the spiritual battles we face. God’s plan to teach this child His ways was not an easy one, but the beauty God has brought from it makes it all worth while. We serve a great and mighty God.

I’m hoping after meandering through my story you were able to see how God intertwines our S.H.A.P.E. (our spiritual gifts, our heart and passion, our abilities, our personality and our experiences) to create a purpose for us to bring glory to His name. Our purpose isn’t supposed to look like anyone else because He has created us uniquely and specifically for His purpose

God loves us where we are. He doesn’t call us to clean up our act before we come to Him. He loves us, period. He also loves us enough to not leave us in our brokenness. But we don’t need to be afraid or intimidated by how we are going to clean ourselves up…we don’t change us. He’s the one who is on the mission to purify us from the inside out. He is the one who is working strategically behind the scenes to help our hearts line up with our outward actions. Our helper, our advocate, our trainer is His spirit within us…He walks with us, transforms us, reminds us, encourages us, and empowers us to live a different way.

After years of struggling to BE who God wanted I had learned to look the part on the outside to keep up external appearances, to be a great Pharisee of today. While my tattered heart in all it’s ugliness was hidden away. God was after my heart. The heart is where it starts.

Help Me Be Willing

Posted on December 1, 2015January 31, 2019 by DSilvan

Whispers from our Father always help heal your soul, hoping this helps someone else make sense of their difficult day(s) . . .

Following and attempting to do what Jesus would do is excruciating at times. When every fiber in your body desires to do the exact opposite… grateful for His Spirit, His prompting, His reminding, His encouragement, His comfort, His words of understanding.

We humans can be so perplexing! I find it interesting how we are the same today as 2000+ years ago. I’ve been reminded throughout the previous days and awakened at night with thoughts of Judas Iscariot. What an interesting bird. He walked with Jesus. He was taught by Jesus. He was a close friend with Jesus. Jesus built Judas up and encouraged him as He discipled him. Jesus loved Judas. Jesus washed his feet. Jesus fed him bread on His last night alive…and…then Jesus told Judas “What you are about to do, do quickly.” He encouraged Him to do what was going to hurt Him…kill Him. Then, Judas ran to betray Jesus.

Jesus understands betrayal after doing everything possible…After going above and beyond…After providing His best for others, He was still KISSED and BETRAYED. There was no wrestle with loyalty because Judas’ enemy (Satan) had entered into Judas’ area of weakness, tempted him to fall to his lust for money (believing the lie for better things) and after all was said and done Judas was left with living with his choices and dealing with the consequences.

However, Jesus chose to LOVE him. He knew Judas’ heart was set and focused on betrayal and He chose to act in LOVE, anyways. He treated Judas the same as His loyal disciples…He loved His enemy. Wait…what?! Jesus accepted God’s will and welcomed it. Uhm… WOW. Right?! That’s why Jesus climbed on the cross for us…that’s why He is AWE-mazing, jaw dropping, knee weakening and worship worthy!

I’m reminded of how far I fall short…for in my flesh every ounce of me struggles with being willing to love in the midst of being hurt and of watching a loved one being betrayed. Lord help me be willing, help me chose to love, reveal yourself more within me so everyone will see less of me and see more of Your radiant image. For the good you see is not of me…it’s all of Him. Thank you Jesus for your overwhelming example, for your gentle encouragement to hand the pain over and lean into the power You provide to live like You…second by second, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, year by year.

You see Satan intended to steal, kill and destroy Jesus by using Judas to betray Him thereby setting Him up to be killed. However, this was God’s chosen vehicle to use. He knew by allowing this to happen that what Satan intended for harm would be transformed into the saving and healing of people, and the unleashing of great power upon an entire world. The thief might have appeared to have won in that brief moment on the cross, but he lost horrifically for all eternity the moment Jesus gasped His last breath.

Trusting God to bring abundant good and blessings from what Satan intends to use for harm.

Faithfully His!

Practice What You Preach

Posted on November 7, 2015January 31, 2019 by DSilvan

September 25, 2014

Yesterday God stirred my heart to encourage a dear friend. At times, He will grab my heart and in empathy I feel the pain a person is experiencing. Then, He will place a timely devotional or scripture and immediately stir my heart to pour out His Word of encouragement. In an act of obedience, I responded with a heartfelt exhortation to my dear friend whom I met only briefly for a time in a Precept Bible study I was leading 7+ years ago. I reached out to her to share the devotion along with the words God placed in my heart. Awkwardly I posted it for all to see on FB. Yes, I do this all the time. Not on purpose. I still don’t always get how to do things privately before I push a button. But afterwards when I realize what I’ve done, I figure God’s words are powerful and nothing ever happens without a reason, so I’m counting on it helping others when they see such a beautiful side of a Faithful God we serve. Hoping my friend won’t be saying “Denise what on earth are you doing making this public?” (Before this was completed, another friend commented on that posting stating that she needed to hear everything that was said and let it SOAK in! Even in our awkward mistakes God uses it for His glory! Loving His Ways Always.)

After posting the note, I didn’t think much about it…except “Please God let those words be Your Words and may they do the work You intended.” Held within my ramblings, I mentioned I find it so much easier to believe God’s power, promises, and mighty work for others and that I struggle with claiming it at moments for myself. This morning in reflection, I should have known what my morning would look like after standing in the gap for a friend…fighting for them against the darkness. I’ve walked 26 years with God, sometimes wandering slightly further away then I should and extremely close at other times. This intimate time with Him is long enough to understand how He works in my life…however, occasionally I need a little reminding.

God, being amazing and ever so concerned with our character, is working hard on me to “Practice what I Preach.” This isn’t new. I’ve been here before. This is one of the reasons I work so hard not to judge others (anymore) because inevitably what I judge others on ends up in my lap for me to understand what it’s like to walk in that person’s shoes. I’ve been allowed to experience what breaks God’s heart by many “hands on” lessons. I don’t get to read about it. It’s not from a story in the Bible. I don’t get to watch someone else learn it…He desires me to FEEL IT. I get to live it out in front of the world while God lovingly connects the dots to various Bible stories quietly in my head…I get to trudge through the muck and yuck so I can then understand fully the pain, anguish, turmoil, and judgmental stares that a person encounters. I get to listen to the silent whispers loud enough to hear, experience crying out to a mighty God behind closed doors in the dark of the night, and seek friends to intercede on our behalf because we are at a loss with no strength to stand. However, faithfully in these times, He has been forging an unshakeable faith…I haven’t “arrived” by any means. But, I’m so much further along then I was before all of the trials I’ve traversed with Him by my side. He has been creating opportunities for me to “Practice what I Preach” to others during their times of struggle. And He gently reminds me to read and REREAD the words I’ve written for someone else and BELIEVE them for myself. WOW He is an amazing Father. Patient. Kind. Gentle. But, ever teaching!

So, here’s the fun! When you stand in the gap for another when under attack, understand that the prince of this earth will be coming to distract, divide, discourage, and destroy you next. We were struggling to make ends meet this month…questioning how will we make it to the next check. When amazingly, God had the State place some unexpected funds they owe us in our account in the amount we would need to slide by. Relaxed. Relieved. Elated God answered. We woke up the next morning only to find that there was merely $2 in our account. Someone had just STOLEN the funds the State placed in our account. After a morning of dealing with the fraud department we were comforted to know we would receive the money back IN 5-7 DAYS! Well, I giggled. God hadn’t placed that in our account for us. He intended it always to go to the thief because He knew he was coming. The reason I giggled is because I was reminded in my head silently that I should willingly give the thief my coat too…and it was raining outside. How fortuitous. Normally, you wouldn’t be so “joyful” or “giggly” at this time, but I believe God was helping me trust Him. He could put more money in there…don’t worry. In another hour another warrior for God flew in to float us for the week until our money was given back. However, our morning didn’t stop there. In 40 minutes, Bill called and the first words were “we are okay.” What?! He said, “we’ve just been rear ended but nothing happened to the car and we are both fine.” I thought…really? I didn’t say it…I just thought it! The rest of the day went uneventfully. Thank you Jesus! As Bill and Cherise were leaving for travel ball practice, I stopped them and said “Please Be Safe!”… “Satan is on the prowl.” I had already begun to have feelings we were under attack because I had stood in the gap and fought for a friend. I had feelings he was actively seeking to discourage me from speaking life into her, to destroy my faith in a mighty God, to teach me to mind my own business and leave his alone! And…10 minutes later, Cherise called me and I knew something was wrong. She handed the phone to her dad and he said, “We Are OK!”…”However, I will need you to come pick Cherise up and drive her to practice. Our front right wheel just fell off the car and we are stuck in the middle of an intersection.” Three major circumstances in a matter of 24 hours after interceding for a sister in Christ…I don’t believe in “coincidences” our life was/is under attack. I turned off dinner, grabbed my purse and hurried to the scene. Cherise was a little shaken and it was extremely odd to look at your car with the wheel just OFF the car. BUT, God protected them and I’m ever so grateful!

I’ve been given the opportunity to “Practice What I Preach.” I pulled up those words of encouragement that God poured into my heart and out through my fingers for my dear friend and I REREAD them MULTIPLE TIMES today. God is challenging me to remember them for myself, too. And He’s been encouraging me by constantly reminding me…HE IS STILL IN CHARGE!

PLEASE…don’t forget…

“His BELIEF IN YOU is mighty, He selected you for the challenge you face, He allowed this to be placed in your journey because He KNOWS YOUR SPIRIT intimately! He knows that You are His faithful servant and that no matter what Satan throws at you, you will be TRIUMPHANT! He knows that you will be VICTORIOUS! You are His VALIANT WARRIOR!…Stay strong my friend. Rest in Him. Practice trusting Him even more than you have before. And know I will be crying out to our Lord for you. I will be standing at the gates of heaven pleading for God’s quick intercession.

Thank you Jesus for being our Advocate in Heaven, for interceding for us at all times, for praying for us before we even know we need it. How people traverse through this life without You as a companion is befuddling to me. I can only stand because I know You are at my right hand and are my ROCK…sometimes I can only do it because You carry me like a Shepherd carries His wounded lamb around His neck. Thank you for always always always being there for me. May our children learn through these hard times how to lean on You, how to trust You, how to let worry fall away and believe in Your truths, promises, love, and power for themselves. In our Savior’s precious name Jesus, Amen.

Childhood Connections

Posted on August 8, 2015January 31, 2019 by DSilvan

As a young girl growing up, my family’s conversations didn’t consist of attributing things to God, being taught how to pray to Him, seeking a relationship with Him, nor did we practice acknowledging when His provisions and protections were supplied. Because my father wasn’t a believer we didn’t go to church as a family. Mom didn’t want to go to church alone so she drove me a couple blocks to my grandparent’s church and dropped me off weekly for Sunday school. My grandparents always invited my 4 siblings and me to Christmas and Easter events. They surrounded me in God’s love and spoke to me of His ways while I gardened together with my grandpa, when I did Christmas crafts with my grandma, and while I visited and spent the night with them. I remember one specific time when I was around 5 or 6 years old lounging across the arm of their old blue tweed comfy chair with my feet dangling off the side near the grand piano. I asked them “What happens to everyone when I die? Is everyone still here? Does the world cease to exist? Where do I go?” I had a huge fear of death. Even though this was 44 years ago, I remember this moment as if it were yesterday. Unfortunately I don’t remember their answer, but I remember no longer being afraid of death and reassured all would be okay.

When I was 9 years old I began to have recurring terrifying nightmares. I would be inside my house while ghoulish amorphic beings on the outside would be taunting me, chasing me, terrorizing me, banging on my windows, racing around the house trying to break in. BUT they were NEVER successful. I struggled for years to understand what these nightmares were about and why I was tormented with them for my first 21 years of life.

In writing down God’s faithfulness, He reminded me of another fingerprint in my life. One blustery winter night all the lights had gone out in Folsom. My dad made a fire to give us light where we all could gather in the family room. During this time in my life, I still was haunted by the dark dreams and consequently the surrounding darkness terrified me. As I sat in the family room trying to push away my anxiousness, I glanced down our small hallway that was only 15 feet long. At the end there was a figure, a being that appeared like a human yet not, dressed in a flowing white robe, holding a staff in his right hand with wavy silvery white hair standing there. I couldn’t make out a face because all that was there was radiance, a brightness. Recalling this vision, my mind interprets the image of normal size because the image restrained itself in the height of our hallway, but the feeling emanating from it produced a sense of overwhelming stature, a feeling of transcendence. Peace flowed from Him and my fear dissipated. I still don’t know to this day what that vision was…did we read a scripture that week in Sunday school describing something like this so I imagined it or did God intercede during my time of fear. I don’t know, but after 40+ years it’s like yesterday. I logged it in my journalings as a time of building my faith. He stitches together so intricately the tapestry of our life to show us His activity, why we experienced the things He allowed, and what He wants to use it all for in our life and in the lives of others.

When I attended a Women’s Retreat in 2009 God allowed me to experience evilness again. At this time God revealed and gave me understanding about what happened throughout my earlier years. We traveled up to Zephyr Point Conference Center in Lake Tahoe. In the middle of the second night we were awakened by screaming. We flooded the hallways, called the nurses and began to pray around our beds. A woman had a seizure and her roommate was traumatized. All seemed normal as everyone filtered back to their rooms. Yet my stomach would not stop turning. It was like nothing I’d experienced before. I know what anxiety is. I know what panic is. I prayed for God to calm my soul…no relief. I opened the door to see what was in the hallway and the woman’s roommates were standing in the hallway terrified. I asked if I could pray with them and we did. They were calmed and left with lifted spirits. However, my stomach was not relieved.

I lay down in bed trying to find relief, but as soon as I shut my eyes those same ghoulish amorphic faces from my child hood flew forcefully at me…one right after the other. I was terrified. I was unsure of what was happening. I couldn’t shut my eyes because it wouldn’t stop. I was tossing and turning…I couldn’t sit in my room. My stomach was killing me and I was bothering my roommate. I resorted to walking the hallways when I stumbled across a pastor’s wife who prayed for me. She’d never experienced anything like what I shared. She kept thinking I was experiencing anxiety and just looked at me as if I were crazy…eventually offering to pray for peace since only God knew what was going on. After grabbing my Bible from my room I headed to the cafeteria to intentionally seek God in His word while watching the sun rise over Lake Tahoe.

I met with my small group for breakfast, the ladies I prayed around the bed with last night during the craziness. I shared the after effects I was experiencing and how I’d been awake since the ordeal. My small group leader’s jaw dropped, her eyes opened widely as she shared the nightmare she had involving me. When our other dear friend interjected, saying she had a dream that involved the two of us waging war in battle. We all were a little shaken by what we’d experienced. Suddenly we realized that we were interconnected in a way that we’d never encountered before. We spoke nothing more of it after breakfast.

That day I drove home and I couldn’t shake the intensity of what happened. When I arrived, I quickly darted to the safety of my peaceful and secure room, curling up on the bed. Weeping. Seeking understanding. Bewildered. I shared with my husband what had happened, but words didn’t seem to express nor convey the daunting terror that was left deep in my soul. I resorted to my comfort zone of researching. I bought books on spiritual warfare and began learning about this area I knew little about.

Although I couldn’t explain effectively what occurred, I knew I experienced the presence of darkness. God revealed that I had seen this from my earlier years and I came to understand that my dreams were showing me I’d been sealed with the Holy Spirit. Nothing could break into my home, yet these entities, this dark unseen world would encircle me, torment me, try to terrify me and destroy me, but I would be safe…it or they could never have me. My home, my person, my soul was secure because of my Savior. I understood more clearly than ever before what Paul spoke of in Ephesians 6:12 —

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Spiritual Warfare came to life to me this weekend, my childhood experiences were brought into crisp focus and the journey to equip myself for battle began. Jesus already defeated our foe, therefore Satan has no power over us. However, we need to know our adversary so we are familiarized with his tactics and can counterattack when challenged. In the name of Jesus, we have the power to overcome the Prince of the air and his army each and every time. We need not fear him.

Ephesians 1:13-14— And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

Romans 8:34-39— Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 Peter 5:8-9— Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith . . .

Joel 2:28— And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.

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