Tag: Trials

Understanding God’s Heart

Posted on by DSilvan

Many times I’m allowed to go through experiences so that I feel and understand God’s heart. When our older children called only when they needed something, my heart was broken. I didn’t hear from them because they were busy living life. I yearned for our lost closeness, our connection, our friendship. God showed me that’s how He feels when I only call on Him when I’m in trouble. He yearns to hear from me always, even when things are going good because He loves me immensely.

Other times He allows me to go through things to reveal how my actions hurt. He let me walk through a time where people didn’t hold their thoughts captive, didn’t choose to believe the best in me and held me to perfect standards. My heart was broken. The Lord met me then saying, “just like those friends “chose” to believe the lies the enemy planted in their thoughts, so too are you in regards with your husband. This is how his heart feels when you keep choosing to listen to the enemies taunts, read in to what isn’t spoken, assume the worst scenario and demand perfection. Beloved, hold your thoughts captive, cast away the lies, believe and ponder on only the good. Remember to live out Philippians 4:8 ~

“. . . whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Then there are times He leads me to Scripture to give me clarity and explain why it hurts. He encouraged me to read Hosea. God taught me that the pain I was enduring was because an idol, a passion, was being placed above me. I felt unloved, neglected and forgotten. He spoke gently saying that this is exactly how He feels when we choose our lusts and passions over Him. Running to these things for provision, comfort, fulfillment, security, love, and not putting Him first in everything breaks His heart. He showed me some idols He saw in my life like sugar, my husband, people’s approval. In His jealousy, and for my protection, He would not let me have these because He is purifying me. He called me to endure this so I’d understand the pain in His heart when we chase idols rather then placing Him first and foremost.

Recently He said, “when the unexpected storm hits do not get shaken for this is to be anticipated as My child. My Son went through trials and persecution, so will you. Rejoice that you are marked as Mine. Remember, I am with you and this circumstance will not overcome you because I am with you. This trial is testing your faith and building endurance for the race. I’m refining your trust in Me. In the good times trusting Me is simple, but in the tumultuous, unfair and unjust situations, when the fire seems scorching hot, trusting Me is not an easy task. However, as you continue practicing keeping your eyes focused intently on Me, you will be able to traverse the deeper waters I am taking you to. I will develop all this in you over time. Remember the story of My disciples I took in the boat with Me? I was sleeping quietly appearing to be unaware. All of a sudden that furious storm hit and they were terrified. They didn’t need to be confused, bewildered, or fearful…they need not cry out for Me for I was there with them . . . but their faith was little. I am with you, too. To get bigger faith Denise, you must work out those faith muscles by facing obstacles, calling on me and watching me quiet the storms. This will be painful, tiring and challenging. I will refine you and take you to higher levels of faith as I complete my work in you. There’s nothing to hard for Me.”

Look for Him in every situation because He is constantly teaching and counseling us to know His heart.

Shattering Strongholds

Posted on by DSilvan

Our children were raised in the church and all of them spoke of God, praised God and raised their hands in worship. But when the teenage years hit, the world sucked them in, friends in the wrong crowd led them astray, their rebellious ways of their flesh surfaced and the enemy slyly entered causing chaos, destruction and discouragement. The Scripture “Train them in the way they should go and they will not depart from it,” tortured me because I wondered where I had gone wrong.

With one of our daughter’s we dealt with drugs, promiscuity, an attempt to harm herself, homosexuality, vile disrespect, uncontrollable anger and much more. I was lost. I didn’t feel equipped on how to battle these things. God spoke frequently and reassured me through His Word. God gave me two Scriptures that buoyed my faith and anchored me during these storms. One is Isaiah 43:5-7 and the other is Jeremiah 31:16-17.

Jeremiah 31 states —

This is what the Lord says: “Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,” declares the Lord. “They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your descendants,” declares the Lord. “Your children will return to their own land.”

Over the last 7 years God has been teaching me much about spiritual warfare. He’s provided experiences, people who give me random books like “God Wins,” and packets that contain random prayers. The random prayer led me to a book that transformed how I prayed for our children: “Shattering Your Strongholds“ by Liberty Savard. God was teaching me how to fight spiritual warfare through prayer.

I love how God sets up divine appointments to encourage us and to foreshadow what the future holds. Five years ago I roomed with a complete stranger at retreat. We stayed up late talking. She shared how she was at the retreat with her rebellious daughter whom she thought would NEVER EVER come. I remember thinking, God that would be amazing. I long for that day to be seen with my daughter. But if I’m being honest, I thought it would never happen. My faith in God was lackluster.

Six months ago, our daughter was going through something. Honestly I don’t remember what the topic or issue was. However, the way I always handle difficulties is I point to God. I quote Scripture that comes to my mind in the conversation and I speak of His ways. He’s the first thing to roll off my tongue, whether I’m speaking to a believer or non-believer. My solution is always, God.

After I mentioned God, our daughter said, “Mom, I knew you were going to talk about God. I don’t want to hear about God. It’s not always about God. Sometimes I just need you to listen and say something different. STOP talking about God!”

Clearly, she didn’t want to hear His name.

Anyone who knows me, understands all I ever talk about is God this and God that. God. God. God. He is my everything and I see Him involved in everything. According to her, I just needed to listen to her and give her worldly advice, but never mention His name.

So, I stopped. I gave her space. I resolved to not say God’s name to her again. HARD!

My heart mourned . . . I still didn’t really understand truly what I was battling.

Shortly afterwards, God reminded me of the book He led me to, “Shattering Your Strongholds“. I pulled out this arsenal and began praying. At first I prayed exactly word for word what the author wrote. I began commanding all the ways of the world and ways of her flesh to be loosened from her in the name of Jesus. Then I asked for her to be bound to the opposite godly characteristic. I commanded anger to be loosened from her and for her to be bound to God’s love. I commanded rebellious ways to be loosened from her and for her to be bound to God’s obedient ways. I prayed for her heart, mind and soul to be bound to God’s heart, mind, and soul. I asked for her thoughts to be flooded with thoughts of God. Then after doing this for a few days, I could sense the Spirit prompting me to pray specific things. I continued praying over anything and everything ungodly that popped into my mind to be loosened from her and sought God to reveal what I needed to bind her to specifically. I was commanding the ways of the world and flesh to be loosened from her and commanding heaven to come to earth for her.

Two months later, our daughter called me asking if I had an extra Bible to read and if I had that Bible study on forgiveness. In all calmness I said, “yes.” Secretly, on my side of the phone, I was doing a happy dance while my heart was nearly exploding from my chest! I didn’t have an extra Bible but she didn’t need to know that. I ran right to the Family Christian store and bought her one in her favorite color. Just like how God works, two days earlier, I had just found these studies hidden under boxes in a room that I was cleaning, otherwise I would have had no idea where they were.

Within 2 hours she had both. Over the next few months she began asking me to pray and her sisters to pray. Then, she mentioned she was praying. Through moments of amazement, God’s faithfulness was becoming visible. His provision. His direction. His leading. All of it was perfect.

Two weekends ago, all three of our girls went with me to the Girl’s Getaway…even the one I thought would NEVER come. God had been working on her heart. The walls she had erected to protect herself and keep others out were being chiseled away and torn down. She was revealing brokenness within her to others and showing tears during small group. She has NEVER allowed herself to be emotionally vulnerable before. Life had taken its toll on her and she was ready to admit she couldn’t do it on her own. She submitted and surrendered. Verbally choosing to receive His free gift of hope.

God brought her home. God returned her from the land of the enemy. God provided hope for my descendants. He is faithful. He is true to His Word. He is trustworthy and worthy of all our praise. We serve a Mighty and Sovereign God. One Who is beautiful in all His ways. One Whose timing is impeccable and Whose faithfulness is never ending.

These are the prayers God reminded me of. Pray them in their entirety or take the snippets that speak to you heart. Let the Holy Spirit guide you to what you need to do. He has provided this for you . . .

Satan and His Demonic Forces

If the person for whom you are interceding has not confessed Jesus as Savior and Lord, pray specifically for his/her salvation if you have not already done so. Stand and thank the Father that it is done in the name of Jesus. Then pray:

“Father, in the name of Jesus, I come boldly to Your throne of grace and present                         before You. I stand in the gap and intercede in behalf of                         , knowing that the Holy Spirit within me takes hold together with me against the evils that would attempt to hold                         in bondage. I unwrap                         from the bonds of wickedness with my prayers and take my shield of faith and quench every fiery dart of the adversary that would come against                         .

Father, You say that whatever I bind on earth is bound in heaven, and whatever I loose on earth is loosed in heaven. You say for me to cast out demons in the name of Jesus.

In the name of Jesus I bind                          ‘s body, soul and spirit to the will and purposes of God for his/her life. I bind                          ‘s mind, will and emotions to the will of God. I bind him/her to the truth and to the blood of Jesus. I bind his/her mind to the mind of Christ that the very thoughts, feelings and purposes of His heart would be within his/her thoughts.

I loose every old, wrong, ungodly pattern of thinking, attitude, idea, desire, belief, motivation, and every wrong mind/body agreement he/she has about wrong behaviors. I tear down, crush, smash and destroy every stronghold associated with these things. I loose any stronghold in his/her life that has been justifying and protecting hard feelings against anyone. I loose the strongholds of unforgiveness, fear, and distrust from him/her.

Father, I ask you to commission your ministering spirits to go forth and provide the necessary help to and assistance for                          .

Father, I have laid hold of                         ‘s salvation and his/her confession of the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I speak of things that are not as though they were, for I choose to look at the unseen — the eternal things of God. I say that Satan shall not get an advantage over                         , for I am not ignorant of Satan’s devices. I resist Satan, and he has run in terror from                         in the name of Jesus. I give Satan no place in                         . I plead the blood of the Lamb over                         , for Satan and his cohorts are overcome by that blood and Your Word. I thank You, Father, that I tread on serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy in                         ‘s behalf.                          is delivered from this present evil world. He/she is delivered from the powers of darkness and translated into the Kingdom of Your dear Son!

Father, I ask You now to fill those vacant places within                          with Your redemption, Your Word, Your Holy Spirit, Your love, Your wisdom, Your righteousness and Your revelation knowledge in the name of Jesus

I thank you, Father, that                          is redeemed out of the hand of Satan by the blood of Jesus. He/she is justified and made righteous by the blood of Jesus and belongs to You — spirit, soul and body. I thank You that every enslaving yoke is broken, for he/she will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power in the name of Jesus.                         has escaped the snare of the devil who has held him/her captive and henceforth does Your will, Father, which is to glorify You in his/her spirit, soul and body.

Thank You, Father that Jesus was manifested that He might destroy the works of the devil. Satan’s works are destroyed in                         ‘s life in the name of Jesus. Hallelujah!                         walks in the Kingdom of God, which is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit! Praise the Lord! Amen.

This prayer may be prayed as many times as necessary. It takes time to realize the faith that leads you into a position of praise and thanksgiving. Stand firm, fixed, unmovable, and steadfast remembering that greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.

Shattering Your Strongholds Prayer

I have included a prayer from Shattering Your Strongholds by Rev. Libery S. Savard. This prayer stresses the importance of binding ourselves and others to the will and purposes of God and loosing the strongholds from our souls that prevent healing prayers from penetrating our spirits. I recommend that you incorporate this powerful prayer into your deliverance intercession. Shattering Your Strongholds is excellent reading for all involved in intercession whether individual or corporate.

“In the Name of Jesus Christ, I bind                        ‘s body, soul and spirit to the will and purposes of God for his/her life. I bind                        ‘s mind, will and emotions to the will of God. I bind him/her to the truth and to the blood of Jesus. I bind his/her mind to the mind of Christ, that the very thought, feelings and purposes of His heart would be within his/her thoughts. I bind                        ‘s feet to the paths of righteousness that his/her steps would be steady and sure. I bind him/her to the work of the cross with all of its mercy, grace, love, forgiveness and dying to self.

I loose every old, wrong, ungodly pattern of thinking, attitude, idea, desire, belief, motivation, and every wrong mind/body agreement he/she has about wrong behaviors. I tear down, crush, smash and destroy every stronghold associated with these things. I loose any stronghold in his/her life that has been justifying and protecting hard feelings against anyone. I loose the strongholds of unforgiveness, fear, and distrust from him/her.

I Loose the power and effects of wrong agreements from                          . I loose deceptions and lies from                        ‘s mind, and I loose the effects and influences of any soul ties heshe has with other people. I loose the confusion and blindness the god of this world from                        ‘s mind that has kept him/her from seeing the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I call forth every precious word of Scripture that has ever entered into his/her mind and heart that it would rise up in power within him/her.

In the name of Jesus, I loose the power and effects of any harsh or hard words (word curses) spoken to, about or by                         . I loose all generational bondage thinking and associated strongholds from                         . I loose all grave clothes from him/her. I loose all effects and bondages from him/her that may have been caused by mistakes I have made.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I crush, smash and destroy generational bondages of any kind from mistakes made at any point between generations. I destroy them right here, right now. They will not bind and curse any more members of this family. I bind and loose these things in Jesus’s name. He has given me the keys and the authority to do so. Thank You Lord for the truth. Amen”

*Used by permission of Rev. Liberty Savard, Pres., Liberty Savard Ministries, P.O. Box 41260, Sacramento CA 95841. 1993 Bridge-Logos Publishers, New Brunswick, NJ.

May we all be loosed from the strongholds of anger, anxiety, competition, confusion, control, deceit, denial, depression, disease, disobedience, distress, distrust, doubt, envy, false security, fear, fornification, gossip, greed, guilt, hostility, immorality, immaturity, independence of God, isolation, jealousy, lust, manipulation, oppression, prejudice, pride, rebellion, self indulgence, sexual soul ties, sickness, suppression, violence and wickedness, procrastination, sibling rivalry, people pleasing attributes and intimidation.

May we all be bond to love, faith, peace, God’s order, a sound mind, freedom in Christ, truth, agreeable spirit, joy, hopefulness, health, obedience, contentment, belief, clarity, kindness, security, courage, boldness, purity, faithfulness, keeping people’s names safe in your mouth, seeing the good in people, generosity, virtue, honor, respect, goodwill, benevolence, moral uprightness, maturity in faith, dependence on God, companionship, delight, God’s favor, blessing, justice, humility, harmony in relationships, submissiveness, unselfishness, peacefulness, cooperation, pleasing God, building one another up.

Who’s Your Daddy?

Posted on by DSilvan

As I walk through the days planned in my journey, I find encounters that really leave  lasting ripples deep in my soul.  The Healing Prayer classes God led me to begin taking, the Bible studies I’ve recently walked through and pictures or videos that get placed in my midst to view have all brought me to this moment in time.

Though they seem to come from many areas, God Masterfully weaves them all together to make a huge impact. Speaking truth deep within my yearning and hungry heart for more of Him.  I can see how each was meant especially for me…but not intended to stop there. What was planted firmly in my heart is to branch out freely speaking life and hope again and again to my children and husband  reminding them Who our Daddy is. My mind becomes flooded with faces of close friends and family who need to imprint these truths upon their hearts so as to NEVER forget, or quite possibly to understand for the first time.

His ways of surrounding me with what I need to hear at this exact moment is astounding.  Whether it is for healing within myself, or to help others find relief, peace and comfort in times that seem insurmountable, or to pass on as finely etched treasures for others to unwrap so they can REMEMBER who created them and is their Stronghold and Fortress for all times…no matter the reason, I’m left in awe, worshipping a Mighty God Who is for us!

I just saw a video of Priscilla Shirer speaking truth about our Mighty God! There is power in these truths.  Being a visual processor, I wrote it out to etch each truth onto my heart once again with each pen stroke.  My prayer is that as you read each truth, your heart will grab hold and embrace them as yours forever!

Who’s Your Daddy?

When you feel like you can’t handle the task at hand ask yourself . . . “Who’s your Daddy?”

You will feel SECURE, TAKEN CARE OF . . . not because of you, but because of Who you belong to!

TELL YOURSELF —
He is the 1st & the Last, the Beginning & the End.
He is the Keeper of creation & Creator of all.He’s the Architect of the Universe & the Manager of all time.

He always was, always is, always will be Unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated and Never Undone!

He was bruised BUT brought healing!
He was pierced, BUT eased pain!
He was persecuted, BUT brought freedom!He was dead and brings life!
He is Risen to bring Power!
And, He Reigns to bring Peace!

The world can’t understand Him.
Armies can’t defeat Him.
Schools can’t explain Him.
And leaders they can’t ignore Him.

Herod couldn’t kill Him.
Nero couldn’t crush Him.
The New Age can not replace Him.
And, Oprah can not explain Him away!

REMIND YOURSELF . . .
He is Life.
He is Love.
He is Longevity.
And, He is the Lord!

He is Goodness, Kindness, faithfulness.
And, He is God!

He is Holy and Righteous and Powerful and Pure.

His ways are right.
His word eternal.
His will unchanging.
And, His mind is on us!

He is our Savior, our Guide, our Peace, our Joy, our Comfort, our Lord!
And, He Rules our lives!

I SERVE HIM BECAUSE  . . .
His bond is low.
His yoke is easy.
His burden is light.

His goal for us is abundant life!

I FOLLOW HIM BECAUSE . . .
He is Wisdom of the wise.
He is the Power of the powerful.
He is the Ancient of days.
He is the Ruler of rulers.
He is the Leader of all leaders!

His goal is a relationship with me!

He will NEVER leave you!
NEVER forsake you!
NEVER mislead you!
NEVER forget you!
NEVER overlook you!
And . . .NEVER cancels your appointment in His appointment book!

When you fall, He will Lift you up.
When you fail, He will forgive you.
When you are weak, He is strong.
When you are lost, He is your way.
When you are afraid, He is your courage.
When you stumble, He will steady you.
When you are hurt, He’s going to heal you.
When you are broken, He will mend you.
When you are blind, He will lead you.
When you are hungry, He will feed you.
When you face trials, He’s with you.
When I face persecution, He shields me.
When I face problems, He will comfort me.
When I face loss, He will provide for me.
When we face death, He will carry us all home to meet Him

He is everything . . . for everybody . . . everywhere . . . every time, and in every way!

He is your GOD!!!

And this is Who you belong to!!!

I pray that these truths will grip you like never before and give you peace and comfort that surpasses all human understanding. Be strong and courageous because you KNOW Who you belong to.

I’m including the link to her youtube video because her delivery is beautiful! Close your eyes and listen. Let it permeate every fiber of your being. Enjoy!

Fear & Anxiety: What Does God Say?

Posted on by DSilvan

 

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 56:3

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. …

Psalm 34:4

I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

1 Peter 5:6-7

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

1 John 4:

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

1 Peter 5:7

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Isaiah 35:4

Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.”

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Proverbs 12:25

Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Exodus 14:14

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

Matthew 6:34

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Psalm 27:1

Of David. The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Romans 8:31-39

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? …

Psalm 27:1-14

Of David. The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. …

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Psalm 55:22-23

Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. But you, O God, will cast them down into the pit of destruction; men of blood and treachery shall not live out half their days. But I will trust in you.

Luke 12:22-26

And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?

Psalm 94:19

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.

Psalm 118:6

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?

Luke 10:19

Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.

Isaiah 43:1

But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.

Psalm 91:1-16

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, …

Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Isaiah 54:

No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.”

Hebrews 4:14-16

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Lamentations 3:57

You came near when I called on you; you said, ‘Do not fear!’

Isaiah 26:3

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Psalm 111:10

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!

Matthew 28:20

Teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

1 Thessalonians 5:17

Pray without ceasing,

Proverbs 14:27

The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death.

Job 11:14-15

If iniquity is in your hand, put it far away, and let not injustice dwell in your tents. Surely then you will lift up your face without blemish; you will be secure and will not fear.

Matthew 10:28

And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

Hebrews 13:5

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Psalm 27:1-3

Of David. The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.

Matthew 10:26

“So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.

Psalm 121:1-2

A Song of Ascents. I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 103:1-22

Of David. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. …

1 Corinthians 13:13

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Proverbs 16:6

By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and by the fear of the Lord one turns away from evil.

Romans 8:1-39

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. …

Psalm 3:5

I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.

Psalm 112:7-8

He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.

Isaiah 43:2-5

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you.

Proverbs 1:33

But whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster.”

Hebrews 2:14-15

Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.

Matthew 6:25

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Isaiah 41:14

Fear not, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel! I am the one who helps you, declares the Lord; your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.

2 Corinthians 5:1

For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Psalm 23:1-6

A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. …

Deuteronomy 1:26-46

“Yet you would not go up, but rebelled against the command of the Lord your God. And you murmured in your tents and said, ‘Because the Lord hated us he has brought us out of the land of Egypt, to give us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us. Where are we going up? Our brothers have made our hearts melt, saying, “The people are greater and taller than we. The cities are great and fortified up to heaven. And besides, we have seen the sons of the Anakim there.”’ Then I said to you, ‘Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, …

Hebrews 1:1-14

Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs. For to which of the angels did God ever say, “You are my Son, today I have begotten you”? Or again, “I will be to him a father, and he shall be to me a son”? …

John 14:1

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.

Psalm 46:2

Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,

Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Isaiah 26:1-21

In that day this song will be sung in the land of Judah: “We have a strong city; he sets up salvation as walls and bulwarks. Open the gates, that the righteous nation that keeps faith may enter in. You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. For he has humbled the inhabitants of the height, the lofty city. He lays it low, lays it low to the ground, casts it to the dust. …

Acts 18:9-10

And the Lord said to Paul one night in a vision, “Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent, for I am with you, and no one will attack you to harm you, for I have many in this city who are my people.”

1 Peter 2:17

Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.

John 3:16

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Luke 12:6-9

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. “And I tell you, everyone who acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man also will acknowledge before the angels of God, but the one who denies me before men will be denied before the angels of God.

Colossians 3:15

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Job 3:25

For the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me.

Psalm 93:4

Mightier than the thunders of many waters, mightier than the waves of the sea, the Lord on high is mighty!

Psalm 61:2

From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I,

Matthew 5:1-48

Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. …

Isaiah 43:1-2

But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.

Psalm 31:10

For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away.

2 Kings 6:16-17

He said, “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Then Elisha prayed and said, “O Lord, please open his eyes that he may see.” So the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw, and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

Joel 2:21

“Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice, for the Lord has done great things!

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.

John 16:28

I came from the Father and have come into the world, and now I am leaving the world and going to the Father.”

Hebrews 9:11

But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and more perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation)

Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord‘s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.

Revelation 22:11-12

Let the evildoer still do evil, and the filthy still be filthy, and the righteous still do right, and the holy still be holy.” “Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay everyone for what he has done.

Hebrews 13:5-6

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

Luke 21:34

“But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap.

Colossians 4:3

At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison—

Matthew 25:25

So I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.’

John 3:6-17

That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can these things be?” Jesus answered him, “Are you the teacher of Israel and yet you do not understand these things? …

John 3:17

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

John 3:16-17

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

1 John 4:8

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Luke 4:18

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed,

Isaiah 1:1-31

The vision of Isaiah the son of Amoz, which he saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem in the days of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah, kings of Judah. Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth; for the Lord has spoken: “Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me. The ox knows its owner, and the donkey its master’s crib, but Israel does not know, my people do not understand.” Ah, sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, offspring of evildoers, children who deal corruptly! They have forsaken the Lord, they have despised the Holy One of Israel, they are utterly estranged. Why will you still be struck down? Why will you continue to rebel? The whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. …

1 Samuel 3:1-21

Now the young man Samuel was ministering to the Lord under Eli. And the word of the Lord was rare in those days; there was no frequent vision. At that time Eli, whose eyesight had begun to grow dim so that he could not see, was lying down in his own place. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the Lord, where the ark of God was. Then the Lord called Samuel, and he said, “Here I am!” and ran to Eli and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call; lie down again.” So he went and lay down. …

Colossians 4:1-18

Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven. Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison— that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. …

Matthew 8:25-26

And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.” And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.

Jonah 1:1-17

Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and call out against it, for their evil has come up before me.” But Jonah rose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish. So he paid the fare and went on board, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the Lord. But the Lord hurled a great wind upon the sea, and there was a mighty tempest on the sea, so that the ship threatened to break up. Then the mariners were afraid, and each cried out to his god. And they hurled the cargo that was in the ship into the sea to lighten it for them. But Jonah had gone down into the inner part of the ship and had lain down and was fast asleep. …

He Holds My Hand

Posted on by DSilvan

Yesterday I was being nudged to share a part of my life, penning heartfelt words on a subject I wish I didn’t have knowledge on. I wasn’t really interested in opening up and giving the world access. Not even my closest friends have been allowed entrance…my husband is the only one that has seen me at my weakest. Those times when I feel like jumping out of my skin, running to the ends of the earth, disappearing lifeless into the paint on the walls or melting motionless into the hardwood of our floors. And even in these moments, only my God knows the most secretive details of my body, mind and soul. He gets me. My Jehovah-rophe, the God who heals, understands my perplexities, my innermost being, way better than even I do. I didn’t want to reveal this broken area.

So…I said “No.”

This morning at 5 am I woke to kiss my hubby good-bye. But before shutting my eyes for more pleasant sleep, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through Facebook to see what my little world was up to.

Bad…bad idea! Especially after you’ve just said “No” to a divine request. Clearly my wrestling match was not over, yet.

My passion in this area runs hot! So I want to apologize if in my written expression I cause pain or come across as judgmental. Pain and judgment are not my intent. Presenting an observation from a different perspective…providing a set of unfamiliar shoes to walk in for just a brief moment in order to glimpse the battle faced on the front line …that’s my sole intent.

From the time I was a young girl I had moments I thought I was going crazy. I thought I’d stop breathing or my heart might jump out of my chest. I would run into the family room late at night telling my mom I wanted to sit with her, have her scratch my back or claim I just couldn’t sleep, I needed to lay my head on her lap…but, at that moment, I was sure I was going to die! I just needed to be with someone in case that happened…I just really needed to have a safe, secure touch that conveyed reassurance I’d be okay. I don’t know why I never told her what was going on…other than, darkness likes to stay hidden from light or being different is scary. Or…sharing your weakness SUCKS!

The earliest I remember is around 9 years old. I didn’t understand these episodes until I experienced my first depression in my early twenties. Doctors began to explain to me that I was having anxiety and panic attacks. They gave me medicine to “calm” me down. However, all that did was make things worse! The anxiety meds made my anxiety skyrocket…Ugh! I only would occasionally experience sudden tsunami waves where devastating emotional debris was left behind. Because I wasn’t living continuously in this danger zone, taking medicine on a regular basis just seemed really absurd.

I’ve wrestled with anxiety throughout my life for the last 40 years. Because of this personal painful journey, my heart breaks when I hear people say certain things. First, I feel judged and torn down and then I feel a deep compassion and mercy for those who are in the same boat as me. How must they feel when they hear careless words thrown around.

This morning I was confronted by a quote by George Mueller that was beautifully painted by a woman artist. “The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.”  I’ve had friends that have said “fear is the absence of faith.”  I take offense to these little expressions.  I believe these to be lies…lies from the enemy meant to cause even more pain than already exists in a broken body.

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m missing the mark and off base with God…but this is so contrary to everything that I’ve experienced.  Maybe because my pain is so personal I misinterpret what they’re trying to say.  None the less when I hear these flippant sayings I receive yet another injury.

Now do I think this was written with malicious intent or painted to stir up pain and cause wounds…uhm…NO.  Absolutely not!  I believe the intention was to motivate people to trust in God with everything.  My questions are “Did either of these individuals ever experience anxiety and panic attacks for themselves?  Are they referring to the type of anxiety I encounter?  Is the context of this more like a normal ‘worry’ over getting a good grade in class, finding a close parking spot so you won’t be late or will I be able to provide food for my children tonight?”

Yes, they are entitled to their opinion, but I wanted to share how my opinion is so differing to theirs.  To the majority this might just be another rant, but maybe, just maybe, there’s another soul who would benefit from hearing that someone else understands.  To that one starfish stranded on the beach in the midst of 1000’s of others, hearing words of encouragement that gently toss them back into the environment they need to breath might mean everything to that starfish’s existence.  If that were to happen, then my baring of my soul has been worth it.

In these confrontations, when my stomach feels punched, my heart feels shredded and my brokenness seems attacked and judged…I work hard to do like Jesus did when persecuted — “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”

You see, I don’t have “control” over when my anxiety will raise it’s head, searching to devour me.

A smell, a sound, a crowded room, a loud commotion, an exhausted body, a weird turn of my head, a car drive to familiar places are all things that can lead to my unannounced friend showing up. We are no longer acquaintances because we know each other too well.  We’ve spent far too much time together.

This thing I used to view as an enemy…a terrorizer of my soul doesn’t listen when I scream “STOP!”  My heart beats like it will burst from my chest.  Every fiber in my being wants to run fast and hard to as far as the East is from the West.  Sounds in the room seem to intensify and speed up like when fast forwarding a cassette tape.  Every opening in my body wants to expel and to purge all substances from within me.  There is no earthly place to run or hide, no place to flee where I can find relief.  I have to let anxiety and panic run it’s course.  I have to wait until the adrenaline has depleted and my mind stops circling the habitual path of terror.

I KNOW it’s irrational. I KNOW what it is. Yet, none of that matters.  There’s no controlling this bullying, taunting, tyrant beast.

But even in the midst of these attacks…I have FAITH!  I run to God.  I seek His refuge.  I seek His peace.  I seek His comfort.  I submit to Him saying if I die in this moment of attack, I will be in the presence of You, my Lord.  Even in death I will have gained.  And, in the middle of my wide-eyed terror, as sweat engulfs my body, I can rustle up a smile.  Even if it is the tiniest curl of the corners of my mouth that no one else can witness…I can feel my facial muscles fighting to succeed.

I’ve chosen to change my perspective and focus on the positive that comes from my private encounters with uncontrollable fear. This brokenness within me might have been intended to destroy, kill, disappoint, and discourage me, but instead I’ve been driven into the arms of my Savior.  That’s true faith!  My terror delivers me to my God.  With each battle my trust in Him is strengthened. In my weakness, God is my strength!

I’ve found there is true faith existing alongside anxiety.  My God tells me “I am the Lord your God, I will take hold of your right hand. Do not fear! I will help you!” In the depths of my suffering He sits by me, walks with me, holds me until the overwhelming dread passes.  If my enemy (or, so called friend) did not exist, I quite possibly wouldn’t know my Lord my God intimately like this.  I can therefore rejoice in these temporary moments where I’m held in a dark prison cell because I know I’m not alone, my God is with me.  This true faith is what will empower me to travel alone, leaving the security of my faithful husband who is always there to reassure me the moment will pass (yes, for an entire month to visit my grand babies), always providing the reassuring touch that I will not die.  I will be dependent completely and solely on remembering God is with me during these trials…He is the One who truly helps me. He is always with me.  True faith!

Faith is not the absence of fear, but rather the ability to have courage to face your fears and be an overcomer!  I am an overcomer.

There is a part of me that wishes this wasn’t my thorn.  Yet, I’m grateful for all that it has driven me towards. Grateful for the opportunities I’m given to strengthen my faith, practice courage and face my fear.  They are faith workouts.

I’ve heard them all… “if you had more faith, this wouldn’t happen”… “You need to know whose you are because perfect love casts out fear”… “If you really knew God completely, you’d have no fear.”  ARGH!  Jesus gives me pictures in my mind of turning the other cheek when someone comes to slap me.  He gives me pictures of giving them my cloak too when they try to come and steal my joy of knowing Him in the midst of suffering through anxiety.

Look at it as if I had diabetes.  If I knew God the best I could ever know Him, would my diabetes disappear?  That’s an ailment, a broken area that for whatever reason a body has quite possibly chosen to exhibit even if I don’t over indulge in sugar, even if I regulate my food intake…it just is broken…it produces insulin at a different rate then God designed our bodies to function at.  But through medicine and through God’s help I can manage my life, I can find peace in the midst of my struggle. It doesn’t go away…it’s still there.

At first I’m really angry, and then, God gets me to the point of forgiveness… “Father forgive them for they do not walk in the shoes you’ve given me. They do not know what they do to my heart.”

This peculiar juxtaposition of  trust and fear spurred me to know my Identity in Christ.  Getting a deep strong grasp on who I am through Jesus empowered me to cling to these truths in the pits of darkness.  I was determined to scour the Bible and learn all I could about fear and anxiety, and what God says about them.

Today, this is my experience. Only God knows what tomorrow will bring or if His plan includes releasing me from these moments of captivity.  In the meantime, I will fight for and love on the ones trapped in similar journeys for even in these scary spots, we can experience freedom that nothing or no one can take.

I’ve found that many times I find relief in singing praise music.  My afflictions become eclipsed by His glory.  Even in the midst of my troubles my desire is to praise and worship God.  Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice…for loving me in all my brokenness…for healing my wounds…for providing a way of escape.

 

 

Invisible Foe

Posted on by DSilvan

As I was floating through this quiet period, I didn’t realize the storm that was brewing. We were heading directly into a battle for our lives and our children’s lives…this time I call our Job experience. Our finances were cut down to 30% of our normal income; we lost our cars; we lost our home after 20+ years of owning; we struggled to hold onto a business which eventually we lost; metaphorically we lost our kids as they went through intense trials and warfare of their own: suicide attempt, homosexuality, drug using, stealing, arresting, NAB (Neighborhood Accountability Board) interventions, court appearances; we encountered  marital conflicts over how to deal with issues. There was division in every relationship possible and simultaneously our health was attacked. I was exhausted! I wanted out! This is not what I signed up for! I loved God, read His word, fed His sheep, tried my best to follow Jesus’ ways and yet my life was filled with chaos…wasn’t life supposed to be smooth?

You see God had encouraged me earlier to read Job on my own. So I did. I studied it diligently. Picked it apart. Immersed myself in it. Not knowing what lay ahead in our future. So when I found myself here, I was determined to Praise God through the bad like Job did. It was if God said,

“Denise this is in your future, I’m preparing you, remember to praise me. You can do this. Understand that Satan has requested a time to sift you and I have approved it and I know you will rise to the challenge. Remember, I’ve only given him permission to go so far.”

During this time I worked hard to stay positive, sometimes I soared on eagles wings, while other times I was pulled through the quagmire of mud just trying to hold on to the edge of Jesus’ robe. I wrestled with trust issues with God and searched for His fingerprints in every episode. I continue to mourn over the many losses and grapple with understanding why He felt I could walk His children through these times graciously with unconditional love in the midst of all the judgment and stares. I don’t get His ways, I don’t like that it isn’t wrapped in a perfect beautiful box with a gorgeous bow…you know the elegant box that all are envious of. But I know in my heart that His way is better than the painting I have created…I just need to trust Him more. He has shown me that I am a prodigal. I understand prodigals and He knows exactly what He is doing by giving my children me as a mother. I am a prodigal raising prodigals. I understand them and I will love them despite of all their broken areas. It’s taken a while to get here, but He’s grown my faith immensely during these last 7 years.

After two years of hiding and many attempts to bring me back, I finally accepted a dear friend’s invitation to a Daniel study. The first 3 weeks of the study, He fanned into flame a renewed energy. He once again immersed me into doing two studies. He divinely placed two books out of nowhere to read simultaneously—all 4 intertwined with some aspect of warfare. In His ways, He’s awakened me to the spiritual warfare that has been always present in my life from the time I was little. He’s busy making connections, showing me ways to fight, and surrounding and bombarding me in all directions on this topic of warfare. He’s been placing one verse on my heart repeatedly. Matthew 7:5 “…first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” But what He says to me is “first Denise learn how to fight My way successfully, and then you can help others do the same.” I don’t know what He has planned, but He has physically opened my eyes and everywhere I look I see brokenness, I see spiritual warfare, and I see wounded people unaware of how to fight this invisible foe that is very much present and what steps to take.

I’m so grateful that He’s allowed me to see His activity in my life. Although it’s not usually at that moment, He eventually weaves a thread throughout that helps pull everything into perspective. I’ve realized that He uses a lot of “dual referencing” in my life. Most times it’s not something I’m aware of as a “foreseeing as to what’s down the road” but rather I notice it in an after the fact “oh, that’s why He had me do that study in order to prepare me for this stretch of my journey.” In past experiences, He uses these references to explain through a biblical story why something happened in my life, connecting the dots and bringing everything full circle. Through my life experience He brings those 2 dimensional Bible characters into a real life 3D play with current day participants… my loved ones, enemies and me. I’ve come to understand and accept that I won’t just learn the principles behind the bible stories by merely reading them. God knows I learn best when He allows me to walk them out through a personal experience so that His lessons will be permanently tattooed onto my heart. Amazingly that’s what allows God’s glory to shine brightest because by doing this I can fully understand, gain compassion, drop all judgments, and become a high priest to a wounded soul during their journey that resembles mine. That’s how He brings beauty from our ashes, brings good from our pain, heals the wounds of the afflicted and helps release the captive from their prison.

This brief segment in our journey has not been easy at all. But when someone is training to run a successful race there must be a ton of conditioning and strenuous workouts to build stamina, endurance, and strong muscles. Trust is like a muscle… as God gives me opportunities to exercise my trust in Him, my faith get’s stronger and I’m able to persevere. I’m so grateful for all that He has done, all that He is doing, and eagerly anticipating all that He will do in my life.  Look for His fingerprints in your life because He encourages you through them!

*Return to Faithfulness of God

Judgment Chisled Away

Posted on by DSilvan

A dear friend, Shelly, asked me if I’d brainstorm with her about the S.H.A.P.E. workshop she was leading. This class is based off the book written by Erik Rees, “S.H.A.P.E.: Finding and Fulfilling Your Unique Purpose for Life.”   I was excited. In February 2015, I took this workshop and God helped me understand so much more about how He wired me. All of sudden I could embrace parts of me that had always baffled and confused me or made me feel inferior to others. He dialed into sharper focus how He’d been shaping me. I began to see with a different perspective why quite possibly I’d been allowed to walk through many difficult times in such rapid succession. In this workshop God redefined in my mind what teaching could look like for an introvert . . . one who is more comfortable behind a monitor screen rather than on a stage in front of many people. Enthusiastically I shared that it would be amazing if Shelly had someone share their testimony in the “Experience” part of the workshop. Illustrating how God had pulled together their Spiritual gifts, Heart/passion, Abilities, Personality, and Experiences to make an impact because that’s exactly what God had begun to do for me — it was life giving. Shelly thought it was a great idea! However, I didn’t realize that I had already been the unnamed friend she shared in the workshop previously. Now my life would become the visual aid through my lips . . . not high on an introvert’s bucket list.

I prayed about this opportunity. I wrestled with my fear about being authentic and open in a public forum. Writing and sharing behind the protection of a computer screen fits more in my wheel house for a shy introvert.  Standing in front of 75 people speaking to them with all their eyes intently focused on me was NOT high on my radar. Then, I encountered a personal attack on my newly established battlefield. I quickly wanted to retreat…I reevaluated whether I should accept this challenge . . . what good could come from me laying my heart bare and opening myself up for wounds. God gently walked in, helped me humble my heart to the offender and encouraged me to be Bold and Courageous, to be True to who He had created me to be, and to seek to please Him and only Him not man. I accepted. Here is what God taught me through my journey in unwrapping my SHAPE:

On the outside, I was a nice, helpful, good person.  I am a recovering perfectionist who looked the part of a “good” Christian: going to church, reading my bible, praying, serving, and teaching my children God’s ways.  However, in the darkest crevices of my heart I was judgmental. Very judgmental.  I didn’t understand people who wrestled with adultery, homosexuality, stealing, drug addiction, pornography, murder and more.  One area I was especially good at was judging parents. It was obvious why their children struggled and faced dire consequences: they didn’t spend time with them, show them love,  be a stay at home parent, and raise them in the church to know and follow Jesus?  If they had done these things, or a majority of them, it would be a different story.  I believed that nurture beat out nature all the time.  I believed that the closer I followed Jesus the smoother my life would be.

Are you angry yet? Are you laughing? I hope you’re praying for me to understand God more fully and love more unconditionally because I haven’t arrived and I still need His help every day. I hope you realize, all that I just spoke about in the previous paragraph are LIES. They were symptoms from viewing everything though imperfect lenses. Frankly, I find it repulsive now. But then, that’s what made me feel I had life figured out. I could judge everyone on everything I had no struggles with while ignoring ALL the areas I fell so profoundly in.

Although sharing my life in this tattered and marred package is difficult, it illustrates how God’s grace and the Holy Spirit’s power have been transforming me into a different person today.  By standing back and recognizing where He’s brought me, I’m given great hope for where He’s taking me.

At Lakeside Church, I began an intense 4-year Bible study journey where I was in 4 different study groups simultaneously year round.  God was going to transform and renew my thinking . . . He was busy replenishing and restoring what the locusts had eaten, changing what the world had warped within me and annihilating my flesh by putting to death the “old me” and creating the “new me.”  In hindsight I see how my abilities, passions, and spiritual gifts were intertwining.  As a child I loved to study.  It energized me.  I LOVED. LEARNING. Combine that with my gifts of knowledge, wisdom, prophecy and teaching and I understood now why I was wired this way.  I couldn’t know enough or learn enough.  I researched endlessly to understand His Word.  Then, I wanted to run out and share all that God had poured into me.

However, after learning so much I was confused why I didn’t love others well because God is Love?  It was around this time when I was prompted to pray a prayer for God to “Break my heart for what breaks His” by Richard Stearns who wrote The Whole in Our Gospel. I don’t recommend this unless you are ready for LIFE-CHANGING experiences. Because God brings it when we pray like this! Many experiences that broke His heart began emerging and they broke my heart, as well.

Looking back through Jesus’ expedited training program, a few studies stood out that had really impacted me and those combined with my experiences produced a wealth of wisdom. Much of what I read in His Word was solidified by what He taught me as I walked each trial out with Him.

Hebrews taught me of faith, but most importantly how God disciplines His children.  We can take comfort from knowing that discipline is proof that we are legitimate children of God.  Even though it’s unpleasant at the time, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace if we’re trained by it.  Then 1 Peter talked of suffering and understanding there will come a time when we face a fiery ordeal that seems strange, but remember to rejoice that we participate in Christ’s sufferings.  Finally the biggest was when the Spirit encouraged me to study Job on my own.  God taught me that sometimes trials come that can’t be explained, but understand that nothing has come to us that hasn’t been filtered through His fingers first.  God wasn’t surprised by what our future held.  In fact He’d allowed it for a divine purpose. All the studying I did created a firm foundation for me to stand on when the storms came. The wealth of wisdom that He gave me through these trials can be shared to strengthen others when they face similar battles.

Our Job experience began shortly after I read all Job penned in the Bible. My husband was a full commission salesman and when the economy plummeted in 2011 so did our finances.  We began making 30% of our normal income.  Eventually our home was foreclosed.  We lost a car.  We lost a business we’d started.  Our children floundered from the drastic changes in our lifestyle.  We entered various trials due to bad choices they resorted to in order to cope.  And we came face to face with some of their fleshly battles that were suddenly revealed.  Then my husband’s and my health came under attack. My husband developed Bells Palsy and his face remains paralyzed and I lost hearing in my right ear for no known reason, lost my sense of smell and developed stomach issues that doctors could not explain.  Eventually our marriage began to suffer.  Everything that had been good seemed to be spiraling out of control.  God reminded me that Satan had challenged my faith.  Was I only going to love God because of all the conveniences, beautiful, and comfortable things He’d given me?  It’s easy to love God when life is good.  I sensed the Spirit reassuring me that we had been given over for a time of sifting, a time of discipline, a time of purifying.  God knew we would stand steadfast and proclaim our love for Him in the midst of the bad.  He was on a mission to prove to Satan and those watching us that our faith is genuine, more precious than gold or any earthly thing.   Waiting for the storm to pass, God surrounded me with multiple books on spiritual warfare and I began studying again.  Learning how to fight the battle that I felt untrained to fight.

Another part of my purpose began to emerge. I was being trained to see our spiritual battle and how to stand against the enemy that we cannot see, but most assuredly lurks around seeking to devour us.

When I wrote this for the SHAPE workshop we had been on our journey of healing and restoration for 3.5 years.  God walked through the fire and raging waters with us and now He’s bringing beauty from the ashes.  Now . . . 7 years past this extremely difficult season in our life, God HAS RESTORED! We have purchased a new home something we struggled to believe we would ever be able to do again. We bought a new car, too (well, “new” to us ~ used is the only way to go.)  Our kids are for the most part on the other side of life-changing choices. God told me in Job that He WOULD restore doubly what was taken. He gave me HOPE to hold on to. I clung to that though many told me I was foolish to believe that as a promise. They would say our replenishment would most likely be in heaven. I chose to ponder on the word I felt God spoke into my heart while taking this journey. He’s been faithful to all He told me. What others miss when I say God told me He’d “restore doubly”, is that I don’t view this as necessarily a monetary promise.

Throughout this journey God has changed our perspective on the “American Dream.” Having a house to live in that doesn’t overwhelm us in debt, enjoying our children overcoming their struggles and blossoming, changing our perspectives on what is truly important, being freed from the captivity of worrying about what others think or say about you or your family is being restored doubly. We have more than money could ever buy. For this I am grateful.

All these life experiences have taught me to love unconditionally better and judgment was brutally chiseled away.  My heart breaks for parents when their children make poor choices because I’ve worn that shame and heard the judgmental whispers despite doing everything right, or at least trying my best at the time.

In truth, these moments taught me how what I do as a child of God does reflect poorly on my Father to those who do not know Him. But my bad choices don’t define who God is, they actually reveal where I am in relation to Him (far or close to Him.)  What breaks my Heavenly Father’s heart is seeing the lies I’m choosing to believe about myself, me getting caught in the lies of the world and getting lost, and not embracing how much He loves me . . . I understand all this now for He let my heart get broken as a parent.

I no longer want to be like Job’s friends anymore, judging and assuming why something is happening when only God knows because I’ve experienced that pain from the murderous whispers spoken in ear shot.

I lean towards the “nature” side. Whether the ugly blemishes are hidden within our heart or worn on the outside for everyone to see, it’s all brokenness. It’s in our nature.

The depressions, anxiety and fear I was allowed to battle and endure gives me deep compassion for those with similar stories.

How I view prisoners or drug addicts has taken a 180-degree turn.  Because of the work God has done in my heart, I find myself loving the outcasts, the lost, the wounded, those that the world has given up on and calls losers or zeros.  This was never part of my character before, but our God works miracles!  He loves a ragamuffin like me and He never gives up!

He’s been molding my heart to fit the purpose he designed me for.  My heart beats to know our amazing God better, to teach others about His unending faithfulness, to help others to be strong in their faith during trials and to equip others to stand firm against the spiritual battles we face.  God’s plan to teach this child His ways was not an easy one, but the beauty God has brought from it makes it all worth while.  We serve a great and mighty God.

I’m hoping after meandering through my story you were able to see how God intertwines our S.H.A.P.E. (our spiritual gifts, our heart and passion, our abilities, our personality and our experiences) to create a purpose for us to bring glory to His name. Our purpose isn’t supposed to look like anyone else because He has created us uniquely and specifically for His purpose

God loves us where we are. He doesn’t call us to clean up our act before we come to Him. He loves us, period. He also loves us enough to not leave us in our brokenness. But we don’t need to be afraid or intimidated by how we are going to clean ourselves up…we don’t change us. He’s the one who is on the mission to purify us from the inside out. He is the one who is working strategically behind the scenes to help our hearts line up with our outward actions. Our helper, our advocate, our trainer is His spirit within us…He walks with us, transforms us, reminds us, encourages us, and empowers us to live a different way.

After years of struggling to BE who God wanted I had learned to look the part on the outside to keep up external appearances, to be a great Pharisee of today. While my tattered heart in all it’s ugliness was hidden away. God was after my heart. The heart is where it starts.

Help Me Be Willing

Posted on by DSilvan

 

Whispers from our Father always help heal your soul, hoping this helps someone else make sense of their difficult day(s) . . .

Following and attempting to do what Jesus would do is excruciating at times. When every fiber in your body desires to do the exact opposite… grateful for His Spirit, His prompting, His reminding, His encouragement, His comfort, His words of understanding.

We humans can be so perplexing! I find it interesting how we are the same today as 2000+ years ago. I’ve been reminded throughout the previous days and awakened at night with thoughts of Judas Iscariot. What an interesting bird. He walked with Jesus. He was taught by Jesus. He was a close friend with Jesus. Jesus built Judas up and encouraged him as He discipled him. Jesus loved Judas. Jesus washed his feet. Jesus fed him bread on His last night alive…and…then Jesus told Judas “What you are about to do, do quickly.” He encouraged Him to do what was going to hurt Him…kill Him. Then, Judas ran to betray Jesus.

Jesus understands betrayal after doing everything possible…After going above and beyond…After providing His best for others, He was still KISSED and BETRAYED. There was no wrestle with loyalty because Judas’ enemy (Satan) had entered into Judas’ area of weakness, tempted him to fall to his lust for money (believing the lie for better things) and after all was said and done Judas was left with living with his choices and dealing with the consequences.

However, Jesus chose to LOVE him. He knew Judas’ heart was set and focused on betrayal and He chose to act in LOVE, anyways. He treated Judas the same as His loyal disciples…He loved His enemy. Wait…what?! Jesus accepted God’s will and welcomed it. Uhm… WOW. Right?! That’s why Jesus climbed on the cross for us…that’s why He is AWE-mazing, jaw dropping, knee weakening and worship worthy!

I’m reminded of how far I fall short…for in my flesh every ounce of me struggles with being willing to love in the midst of being hurt and of watching a loved one being betrayed. Lord help me be willing, help me chose to love, reveal yourself more within me so everyone will see less of me and see more of Your radiant image. For the good you see is not of me…it’s all of Him. Thank you Jesus for your overwhelming example, for your gentle encouragement to hand the pain over and lean into the power You provide to live like You…second by second, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, year by year.

You see Satan intended to steal, kill and destroy Jesus by using Judas to betray Him thereby setting Him up to be killed. However, this was God’s chosen vehicle to use. He knew by allowing this to happen that what Satan intended for harm would be transformed into the saving and healing of people, and the unleashing of great power upon an entire world. The thief might have appeared to have won in that brief moment on the cross, but he lost horrifically for all eternity the moment Jesus gasped His last breath.

Trusting God to bring abundant good and blessings from what Satan intends to use for harm.

Faithfully His!

Welcome The Wilderness

Posted on by DSilvan

January 20, 2011

Matthew 4:1-4 “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the WILDERNESS to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was HUNGRY. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”  Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not LIVE on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

Have you ever wondered why? Have you experienced your own wilderness journey? Have you watched your children, spouse, loved one, or friend experience a wilderness time? Have you desired just to skirt around these difficult times? Or, maybe said, I wish I could take these hard times away from my children.” I know I have thought these thoughts and yearned for the peaceful trek. But are we missing out if we do that?

In reading these 4 verses for a study, I was moved to know more about these three words. They jumped off the page…I needed to know more. So out came my handy Greek word dictionary and my Blue Letter Bible app quickly covered my iphone’s screen.

What do you think of when you read wilderness? Why did it have to be a wilderness?  He was there for 40 days and 40 nights…was he not hungry earlier? What does it mean to be hungry? God said Man shall not live on bread alone…we need food to live…what does live mean? What does God’s Word have to do with our ability to live? These thoughts and questions plus more flooded my mind. And I danced, after studying these 3 words!

Just like Jesus, we will be led into wilderness experiences. This time will be a solitary, lonely, desolate, uninhabited place that will be deserted by others, where we will be deprived of the aid and protection of others, friends, acquaintances, family. It takes this experience, to bring us to our weakest point. A place where we will experience a hunger like never before. We will suffer want, we will be needy and we will crave ardently and begin to seek with eager desire. Right here is when we’re tested and tempted. At our weakest moment, will we turn to God, seek His face, speak His words to defeat the enemy? What will we resort to for our strength? Bread nourishes our flesh for the moment, but we LIVE on every word that comes from the mouth of God. With His word we are able to breathe, no longer are lifeless nor dead, enjoy real life and a true life, have true power, become full of vigour, and are fresh, strong, efficient, active, powerful, and efficacious.

Now this LIFE that you see when you look up live is what I desire for myself, my children, my husband, my family, my friends, my acquaintances and even my enemies. If we skirt around the wildernesses and we avoid and push away the hard times…we miss the most beautiful time of growing closer to God, leaning on His understanding, learning from His teachings, and just spending time in our Daddy’s lap being comforted. EMBRACE these times that tear away our hard exteriors and kneel before our Father to truly experience what it means to LIVE. And remember,  Jesus didn’t enter the wilderness alone…He was led by the Spirit. We too are not left alone, but led there in order to create something more beautiful than was before.

In case your wondering, what does a wilderness time look like? It is different for everyone. A few of my personal wildernesses are 2 depressions, my body revolting against being in the sun at anytime, and developing food allergies to all foods. Without these I would not be who I am today, nor would my relationship with God have grown so much. Some others could be loss of job, loss of home,death of family members, struggles with children, surviving suicide, troubles in marriage, dealing with an illness personally or with a loved one…the list is endless. Think about what your wilderness experiences have been and praise God for loving us enough to take the time to chisel away the rough edges, to love us in all our awkwardness, to be patient with us as we gradually listen to Him.

Thank you Jesus for never giving up on us, for never throwing in the white towel and saying that’s it. But rather, you sought forgiveness for us from God declaring we do not know what we do. Oh to be even a little glimmer of who you are. Thank You for Your faithfulness, trustworthiness, and Your sovereignty. Even in the midst of our trials, You are in control…nothing comes to us that hasn’t been filtered through Your loving fingertips. In Your Son’s precious name Jesus, Amen.

Word Study:

Wilderness – G2048 erēmos: solitary, lonely, desolate, uninhabited place; when referring to persons – deserted by others, deprived of the aid and protection of others, especially of friends, acquaintances, kindred; abandoned –  a flock deserted by the shepherd, a woman neglected by her husband, from whom the husband withholds himself.

Hungry – G3983 peinaō: to hunger, be hungry, to suffer want, to be needy and metaphorically to crave ardently, to seek with eager desire

Live – G2198 zaō: to live, breathe, be among the living (not lifeless, not dead), to enjoy real life, to have true life and worthy of the name, active, blessed, endless in the kingdom of God, having vital power in itself and exerting the same upon the soul, metaphorically to be in full vigour, to be fresh, strong, efficient,  active, powerful, efficacious

God Break My Heart

Posted on by DSilvan

God ignited a burning fire within me like I had never experienced before. He took me on a wild ride that I’ve come to treasure. Like Paul, once the scales were removed Jesus took him into the desert for 3 years to teach Paul His ways…Jesus did that same thing for me. For 4 years, I took four individual bible studies simultaneously, slowing down only during summer to do one. He poured His word into me voraciously almost like a firehose on full blast and was busily replenishing what the locust had eaten over the years. Eventually, leaders noticed my craziness and they encouraged me to stretch myself to lead small groups: one in Stepping Stones and eventually becoming the leader of the Precept Bible Study ministry at Lakeside. I flourished in ways that I’m still trying to put into words because God continues to show me things from the past, that were to prepare me for the future, which is actually now my present. Like I said many times His weaving continues to amaze me. God used this time in my journey to establish His strong foundation and instill in me the strength to walk through the years that were to come. What He poured into me caught me up to speed, transitioned me from milk to solid food, clarified experiences I had walked through, and infused me with the strength to endure the hard travels ahead.

The next portion of my journey is really where the rubber meets the road. It’s where He’s going to give hands and feet to all the knowledge He’s placed within me. The knowledge will morph into wisdom by “doing” what He’s taught not just “knowing” it and collecting dust. At this time, Richard Stearn who wrote A Hole in the Gospel came to our church. I was inspired to take his challenge to pray a simple prayer, “God break my heart for what breaks Yours.” At this time I naively thought I’d be given the task to help in sex trafficking or maybe become active in World Vision. But rarely ever is the image I create in my mind ever the one God has envisioned for me. He began to break my heart in many areas. One place he broke my heart for was in regards to a certain prisoner. I continue to wrestle with God on what He wants me to do and if I heard Him correctly. This man was an elementary teacher in Folsom who was convicted of unthinkable crimes, but God keeps placing him on my heart. I’m still seeking His guidance on what to do because…Why? What am I to say? How? He’s in for life in a federal prison in Illinois? Although he will remain in a physical prison as a consequence to his choices, he could be freed spiritually and then empowered to guide others to Jesus. This adventure is yet to be completed. So I wait.

God continued to do many amazing things, teaching lesson after lesson, showing off with His mighty power, and yet, I reached a time where I acted like Elijah. After God supported me faithfully in so many different areas, I became exhausted and forgot to trust God. I ran away from leading groups after 8 years to hide as I traversed the worst times of my life so far.

 *Return to Faithfulness of God