Tag: Trials

His Word Heals

Posted on by DSilvan

When I’ve been taken to these dark places of depression, it’s important to understand that all self-confidence is stripped, all security is squashed, doing things alone becomes even more terrifying. So, thinking of jumping into a bible study with other people to be in His word was excruciating. The weekend right after encountering God encouraging me to read His Word, I entered church not really expecting much. But God had “A WORD” for me…specifically 17 words for me.

“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7

Two days later on a Tuesday morning, I walked up the entrance stairs to Lakeside Church to attend a corporate woman’s Bible study known as Stepping Stones. The entire walk I recited, “I was not given a spirit of timidity but of power and love and discipline” over and over in my head and under my breath. However, I really wanted to scream it at the top of my lungs because all I felt was fear…fear had become my prison cell! Once inside I sat lonely at a table not knowing any one. I was a little town girl who had gone to church with the same 40 people who raised me in Sunday School. Now I was transitioning to a large church that housed 800-1500 at a time with 5 different services. Knowing people in this size of a church was not an easy feat. So when God sent a sweet, gentle soul in her faded blue overalls to welcome me with her carefree spirit, I felt at ease. She wrapped her arm around me and said you can join our group. She became my dearest friend, Shelly. I praise God for placing her in my life because she has helped me traverse the last 12 years of this journey. She is proof that God does have special angels for each of us that minister to our soul.

At some point after I started digesting His word again that suffocating darkness that attempted to swallow me disappeared as fast as it came. The fog dissipated and a renewing and restoring of my soul began . . . reading His word healed my soul. Over the summer I jumped into Beth Moore’s Believing God. And WOW! God had many words for me in that study. He helped me map out my journey with Him from the time I was little. He showed me the godly people He placed in my life to guide me. He showed me how I was living a cyclic life that resembled the Kings — call me Israel. Next, He proceeded to show me how my depressions were all spiritually related and how I resembled Nebuchadnezzar. I went through a time like Nebuchadnezzar where my reasoning would be taken, I’d be made to live as a wild animal, and my splendor would be gone. Only when I raised my eyes to heaven and acknowledged my God Most High would my sanity be given back, my happiness returned and I’d be restored to even greater than I was before. His ways are truly beautiful!

*Return to Faithfulness of God

#41 Words

Posted on by DSilvan

June 30, 2014

At Lakeside Church, Pastor Brad challenged us to write our story in 41 words like Apostle Paul in Galatians 2:20. I challenge you to prepare your #41words story.

Childhood believer, rebellious teen wanders. Wounded by bad choices. Pursued by darkness. Overwhelmed. Lonely. Anxious. Depressed. Suicidal. Demoralized. Awakened by humbling trials. Weeping prodigal encounters Jesus’ mercy. Rededicated. Long-suffering, Faithful God heals. Rescues. Restores. Redeems. Replenishes. Heart created for Prodigals.

Psalm 91:2
This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.

#Peacefilled #Joyful #UnconditionallyLoved #ForeverGrateful

He Never Leaves Nor Forsakes

Posted on by DSilvan

After dating for 4 years my high school sweetheart and I married at age 20, had our first daughter 6 months later and moved to L.A. away from all our family and friends. I was isolated with a newborn while my husband attended Los Angeles State University, played baseball and worked. My small town girl personality didn’t flourish in the big city environment. Seven months later I was hospitalized for 3 weeks with depression, atypical psychosis, and anxiety…basically they couldn’t explain what was happening. They were merely attempting to treat the symptoms.

My grandfather called me every night in the hospital to pray with me and for me. He sent me a small poster of “Footprints” and encouraged me that God was there, reminded me He was teaching me something and reassured me that I would be okay. At this point in time, I feared I would forget my entire family and dissolve into a state of unknowing, so I surrounded myself with their photos and tried to believe all would be okay like my grandfather said. I also experienced overwhelming feelings of needing to end it all, hearing the lie that everyone would be better off without me. At the end of the spring semester we moved back home so family could help us. The doctors placed me on a variety of medicines for 12+ months and sent me to counseling. However, nothing seemed to remove the darkness that had swallowed me.

While I was taking these heavy medications I found out I was pregnant. Life stopped. The doctors told me I had really only one option. I found myself trapped in the midst of a choice that went against God and all I ever believed. I wrestled with God and the doctor’s advice. I remember laying on the ground writhing in turmoil even the night before saying “I can’t do this.” At this place in my existence I believed doctors knew everything…I had to listen to them. Everyone around me was telling me that this was the right thing. No one was counseling me on trusting God and encouraging me to keep our baby. I hadn’t realized that the deep conflict within me, the entity I was wrestling with so strongly was the spirit within me. Therefore, the world won and my heart was left shattered. How could I ever forgive myself?

In brokenness, I ran back to church. During a service, I, the prodigal daughter, realized I had to return. I couldn’t do this on my own anymore. Tears poured down my cheeks as I cried out to my Father above. I didn’t deserve His forgiveness after what I’d done. I didn’t deserve His grace or mercy.  But inside my heart I knew He had never stopped loving me despite my failings. He was not going to leave me, nor forsake me. My fear of walking in front of the entire congregation was consumed and I desired to acknowledge publicly that Jesus was and is my only help…proclaiming Him and His goodness in front of everyone.

Although I had taken my inheritance of eternal life, spent it wildly like the prodigal son in the Bible, this time of difficulty is exactly what a hardheaded, stubborn, rebellious child needed in order to realize my way was vacant of everything I truly was designed for. Within the next few weeks the mysterious dark fog that terrorized me lifted…it left as quickly as it appeared.

I’m so grateful God included stories in the Bible of others who resemble some of the darkest parts of me.  Moses brought redemption to God’s people, led them out of captivity, mediated the Old Covenant, and wrote the Pentateuch (the first 5 books of the Bible)…even after choosing to kill the Egyptian who was beating a Hebrew brother God used him. And, David was an adulterer, a liar and a murderer, yet God called him a “man after His heart.”  In the midst of being a mighty man for God, he chose to do the unthinkable revealing yet again that he was far from being perfect. Although David sinned, he always loved God and would intentionally seek to turn back from his poor choices. I find comfort knowing that these same men struggled in their faith, yet God chose to put in ink how important their role in history is and His unending love for them.

“Thank you Jesus for paving the way with your perfect sacrifice so that I may receive forgiveness and enjoy a relationship with my Heavenly Father. Amen.”

*Return to Faithfulness of God 

 

Character • Not • Comfort

Posted on by DSilvan

January 18, 2011

I’ve experienced various trials in my few years. Many times I wrestle with evaluating whether they are important in relation to others whose are far worse. But whether my struggles appeared tiny or grand in comparison to others, they were personal to me, involved pain and left scars behind . . . they all are important. Don’t ever discount moments in your journey. On January 18, 2011, a few Scriptures were placed in my path that helped me regain my balance as I traveled down a dark road. They encouraged me to hold on . . . and they are one’s that have stuck with me for years. There are MANY more, but I’m starting here for these I’m reminded of often.
Malachi 3:3 “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver” (NIV).

God will direct my steps. Isaiah 48:10 “See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction” (NIV).

God will never leave me. Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (NIV).

God will always make a way for me. 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (NIV).

During one of these trying times I read a devotional written by Mary Southerland. It’s a Beautiful Picture of God’s Love . . .

The story is told of a group of women who met each week to study the Bible, hoping to learn more about the nature and character of God and how He works in our life. The women were puzzled and even a little troubled by the description of God they found in Malachi 3:3, “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” One of the women offered to do a little research on the subject and report back to the group at their next meeting. The woman found a local silversmith and made an appointment to observe him at work, explaining that she was particularly interested in the process of refining silver. She watched as the craftsman carefully selected a piece of silver for his demonstration. She thought the piece of silver was already beautiful but evidently the silversmith saw something that she could not see. As he held the silver over the furnace, the craftsman explained that in refining silver, the silver had to be placed in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest so all of the impurities would be burned away.

The woman was silent for a moment as her thoughts drifted to the fiery trials she was facing in her own life. Honestly, she did not get it. Why would a loving God allow His children to suffer when He could so easily deliver them? In fact, why does God even allow bad things to happen to people who are seeking Him and really trying to live for Him?

The woman asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. “Oh, yes!” he replied. “I cannot take my eyes off the silver. If it is left in the furnace even a moment too long, it will be destroyed.” The woman suddenly understood the beauty and comfort of Malachi 3:3, “He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.”Yes, there are times when it seems as if we will be swallowed whole by the fires of Hell itself. The pain seems too hard to bear. The fear is paralyzing. The doubt is overwhelming and questions flood our heart and mind.

Is God really who He says He is?

Will He really do what He says He will do?

Will He really keep His promises?

Our trials are not random persecutions. Heaven is not in a panic and where we are and what we are going through is no surprise to God. We may be knocked down and kicked around by life, but if we have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, we will not be destroyed.

Our lives are filled with excess baggage and waste – a cherished sin we refuse to relinquish or an addiction to which we are enslaved. What about the emotional garbage that weighs us down or our unforgiving spirit that holds us prisoner? Fiery trials come to burn away the guilt of sin and then purify our heart. From those ashes of freedom, the Father then creates a work of beauty.

I believe the words I just wrote. I know and accept the truth that trials and hard times make me stronger and strengthen my faith, but there are times when I want it all to stop. I find myself asking, “How much is enough, Lord? How many trials do I have to endure? When will the pain and trouble end?”

“How do you know when the silver is fully refined?” the woman asked. The silversmith smiled and answered, “Oh, that’s easy. The refining process is complete when I can see my image reflected in the silver.”

God is not committed to our comfort. He is committed to our character. Only God can exchange the ashes of our sin for the beauty of His forgiveness and grace. God alone can replace our despair with His peace that passes all understanding. Hope can only be found in Him. Our purpose in life is to know and become more like Jesus … and act just like our Father. 

Let’s Pray
Father, I want to be more like You. Give me the strength to withstand the trials in my life. Help me love the people who are hard to love and forgive the people who have hurt and even abused me. Burn away the sin in my life and empower me to live for You. Create a clean heart in me, Lord, and teach me how to live for You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn
Journaling is a powerful spiritual discipline and habit that I encourage you to cultivate this year. A journal can be a spiral notebook or leather bound book. You may write in your journal every day or once a week. Your entry can fill an entire page or one line. How you journal is not nearly as important as the fact that you journal.

Record new truths and insights God gives you as you read and study the Bible. Write your prayers and thoughts. Create a section in your journal where you can record the promises God gives you.

I encourage you to purchase a special journal that you can begin to write in. Record your prayers, thoughts, struggles, answers, lessons, revelations and “coincidences” (which I don’t believe in by the way…I choose to look at them as God Stops!) These writings can be stepping stones for your children, grandchildren, friends…they help build your faith and their faith as you all see God’s activity in your daily lives.